2010, What a year this has been.

As 2010 comes to a close, I'm once again reminded and very thankful over the blessings and the gifts that God has given this family, Three healthy kids, a great husband, and and friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. This year there were a lot of I'm gonna, and this will happen,some resolutions that fell thru the cracks, and things that just ended in failure. I'm not afraid to admit that a lot of things that I hoped would work out, just didn't.

2010 brought us a son sent off to fight a war in Afghanistan and three months of no sleep for his momma. How proud we are that our son has excelled and is doing so well in the military. How thrilled we were, that God brought him back to us safe and sound, and now in 2011 we will gear up for him to leave us again, to go and protect us and provide that blanket of freedom we all love to cuddle under so much.

2010 brought us a restaurant fire, and the uncertianty of what would happen next, we were blessed very quickly with a vehicle to accomodate a mobile pizza manager, who was now on the move and working all sorts of hours. We were thankful that he was still employed,

2010 brought me what I like to call an "Eat,Pray,Love" moment. After seeing the movie and reading the book, I wondered, do I really need to go all the way to Bali to find me, to get in touch with the part of me that I know I have lost along the way on this journey called life. And with this new found idea in my head, we decided to change our vacation plans, and do somthing we had never done before. Take our children on a road trip, a journey to see and do some things that we had not done.
I said to my husband, your almost 46 years old, how much have you really seen? His reply, "nothing really".

So we embarked on a journey down the california coast, stopping along the way, to take in the sights, sounds, and smells. We rented a really cool mini van, and even bought one of the big maps of the United States, hung it on the bedroom wall, to stick pins into where we had been and where we will be going. We even went to Las Vegas, we ended our journey in Moab, Utah, at Arches National Park, Oh what a sight, that if you get the opportunity to see, dont pass it up. We were truly among Gods Majesty and splendor, and were reminded once again, how incredibly tiny we human beings are, on this majestic planet called earth.It was a great vacation, for all of us, both mentally and physically, time with each other and our children that could not be replaced. It really reinforced the idea of taking nothing for granted, and I continue on that journey of self discovery, with the goal of achieving the things, I let my insecurity stop me from doing.

2010 also gave me the courage to try out for womens flat track roller derby, and although I was cut, at least I had the guts to try, quite an accomplishment for me, anxiously awaiting the next tryouts.

As for me the end of 2010 brought about a few lessons in human nature, and the ability of some people to do things and say things, that I myself would just never allow to happen. Humans fascinate me in this respect, I learned some important lessons in the meaning of friendship, and what I thought friendship was, and what it turned out to really be. It breaks my heart, but its life, and this is how we learn, even when you do nothing wrong, people find a way to take the blame off of themselves and cast it upon you. Meh, such a sad way to live I guess. Rest assured, those are mistakes I will make sure, not to make again.

I think George Washington summed it up best with the following quote:

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."

A life lesson for all of us I guess.

So as 2010 ends as quickly as it started this evening, I know that I have been the best person that I can be. I have stood solid in my faith in Jesus Christ as my savior, and his ability to take care of things. I know that he has a plan, not only for me, but for this entire family, and I find great excitment in wondering just what that will be.

In 2011, its time to "edit" the story,(somthing our pastor said), with hopes of doing the things and fullfilling those dreams, that I hold onto each day. I am humbled and so very thankful for all my blessings, and for my friends, who I hold so dearly in my heart. You know who you are.....

I have said this before, and I will say it again, "I take nothing in this life for granted, ever!"

What will your story be in 2011?

From our family to yours, may 2011 be healthy, happy and prosperous!

"Dont mess with the family" LOL!!

until we talk again..........

Leaving your comfort Zone

Have you ever wanted to do something, I mean really do something that you never thought you would have the guts to even try? Well yesterday I did exactly that, I left my comfort zone and did something I didn't ever think I would have the guts,much less the courage to even try.
I went to womens roller derby tryouts! Yep, you read that right, roller derby! Somthing that I have always wanted to do, but never did and now at almost 44 in two days, what was I thinking.
It was brutal, and today I hurt. But I learned something about myself, and I guess thats what people say about everything we experience in life being about. I learned that no matter how fearful I am, how much I want to give up, or how much confidence in myself I lack, that all of those things can be overcome.
Yesterday I may not have been the strongest skater, I may have been experienceing the worst shin pain I have ever felt in my life, but I kept picking myself back up, and doing it again.
I realized that aside from being more physically fit, losing more weight, and really focusing in on core strength, that the "CORE STRENGTH" is not just muscular.
The true core, deep inside you, where you hide from all of the negativity we throw on ourselves daily, has the power to do it all....
Was I disappointed?, HELL YES!!! Did I cry? Of course....
But I went there and I tried, even though I didnt make it this time, (march is the next try out.)
I am a winner anyway, because I had the GUTS!!! to even walk thru the door and attempt it....
and that my friends is one hell of a good feeling!!!!!
until we talk again

Under A Tuscan Sun Designs

I recently fell in love with hand stamped jewelry. So much that I decided I was going to start my own little buisness. I love to create these custom one of a kind pieces.
So here are the links to both my etsy and my facebook page.

FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Under-A-Tuscan-Sun-Designs/144508922252891

ETSY:http://www.etsy.com/shop/UnderATuscanSun

Please feel free to check out both locations, LIKE me on facebook, and then come back here and leave me a comment here on the blog about something you liked in the shop, what you might like to have customized.

When I reach 200 fans, I will draw random for a free necklace from the comments left on the blog!!

Hey free is good right?

The sweet sounds and smells of the Summer of 2010

So as I sit here, part of me is sad that the summer is coming to a close. Those lazy days, and late nights are all drifting away as the clock ticks down and the sun begins to set. How I will miss sleeping in and spending my days by the pool, watching my kids laugh and play.
We really did a lot this year, our vacation most certianly was the highlight of the summer.



It was also a summer of worry as Air Force Puppy was in the sand box, for 3 months.
As the summer comes to an end, so does his tour, we are thankful to be getting him home safe and sound.

As school begins again, its time to be more focused, more organized, and not so lazy as we have all become way to accustomed to lately. But oh the memories we have not only in pictures but in the little things, to carry us thru till next summer.
Memories of the beach, and sea world, and a really cool mini van that took us on our 10 day journey.




Memories of lunches and chinese food, and lots of ice cream at rizutos. While part of me is sad, I am happy that it is coming to a close.

Most of all, the laughter, the joy, and sometimes the tears made this summer a memorable one, movies and popcorn and the park and a ton of things that we did TOGETHER!!!!!

I look back at the last bastion of the summer of 2010 approaches and I am at peace, content, and thankful that Jesus has blessed this family in more ways than I can count.

I guess you could call me one of the lucky ones!!!!




till we talk again......

Once again..I find myself in that old familiar place.

Once again I find myself, cornered by my old friends, self doubt, fear, and their good buddy insecurity. The three musketeers have drawn their swords upon me again...I fear that this may be a deadly combination, and may permanently scar me for life. Or perhaps kill my soul!!!
I have set my self to a particular challenge, one that will remain nameless for now, and tonight some things that need to be reworked became painfully evident to me.
So my three buddies, whispered in my ear the rest of the evening, throwing every no good reason to just give up the desire to accomplish what it is I have set myself too.
All I can think is how incredibly weak I am, but part of me will not let go of the desire to succeed and not to fail.
Failure, oh my sweet love, we have danced quite often in the last year, and we are most definately no longer strange bedfellows...
It is you I fear the most, and yet writing this blog, lifts some of weight of the attack of the three musketeers.
My heart tell me to stay strong, stay focused, and press forward, been here before, just for a different reason.
I am hoping that when I close my eyes tonight for what will hopefully be a peaceful sleep, a freedom, that surely will not end up that way...
that my 3 friends will be gone in the morning, and I will awake with a new plan of attack to achieve my current desire...
who knows what the sunrise will bring???????

Anaheim, or did I really think two amusement parks back to back was a good idea?

Next stop, Mickey's House, decided on the trip after a few suggestions to do Knotts Berry Farm!! what a thrill to spend what ended up being an extremely stress free day. Highlight of the day, Arianna rode her first rollercoaster. The sidewinder, the highlight of mine? Listening to her scream in shear terror the whole time. I couldn't stop laughing.
The pitch was so high she probably could have broken glass. I am so not kidding. The result? She rode it 5 more times, (no lines) LOL.
Dante did some brave things too, but we sure did have fun. We paused for the cause to have a little dinner at PINKS the world famous hotdog place. YUMMY!!!!
It was a day filled with fun, drama, laughter and tons of junkfood. The memories were priceless, Dante rode the log flume for the first time, and the final drop hill, well let me just say they take a picture and the look on his face, priceless. Bought that picture up in a heartbeat, By the time we got back to the car, it was dark, and everyone was bushed. Visions of mickeys house and cotton candy lingered on the kids as they drifted off into a welcomed sleep.
Talk about bushed! NOT THEM, ME!!!!
we tucked them into their bed at the hotel, and poured ourselves into ours, dreading that early morning alarm....
until tomorrow!!!

Cruising down the California Coast!

Our Journey continues to trek us towards Santa Barbara and we find a quaint little in 2 miles away from a Danish town named Solvang. Andersons Pea Soup Inn was a quaint little inn, with a great pool and yummy danish in the morning. Which we discovered came from the bakery in the town. After a nights rest, and a dip in the pool and hot tub, we make our way to Slovang. A danish town, famous for its pancake balls, and pasteries. We park and walk thru the town, stopping to admire the little shops, some of which there were rude shop keepers. Really its true....
After a couple of hours and a few pancake balls and russian tea cookies we are headed for Santa Barbara.
A beautiful beach town, and a gorgeous pier to walk out on. We park and trek our way up the beach to the pier for a look around. We decide to take a water taxi, named Little Toot, which of course brought a ton of giggles from the kids. An inexpensive ride to the other side of the harbor.
The best part was the kids got to drive the boat! See pics below. Then we took the 25 cent electric trolly car back to where we started. Got in the car and enjoyed more of the coast on our way to Anaheim.........

I left my heart in San Fran, or was it my kids?

It was late in the evening as we approached the San Francisco Bay Bridge, oh the lights of the city. It reminded me of NYC and Time Square. I felt like a little kid as I watched the twinkle of the city lights and huge tall buildings. The next day we ventured to Pier 39, for a fun filled day of lobster hats, bubba gumps, salt water taffy, sea lions, and "The rock".
The kids had a good time and Jim and I enjoyed their smiles, and wonderfully innocent faces as they marveled at what they were seeing, tasting and enjoying. We went to lombard street, golden gate park, and of course the golden gate bridge. We left San Fran and and headed for a drive thru wine country.
Then it was on the road to our next destination. Truly a memory filled day.

Day 2, or what the heck is up with Rest Stop Signs?

Day 2, and I just had to take a picture of the sign! We stopped at this rest stop where an Indian family was selling hand made jewelry, they were making them right there. My dear husband bought me an anklet! I am quite refreshed and ready to hit the road. The Starbucks VIA is hot, and tastes great. This instant coffee rocks BTW! The music is playing, the tunes are cranked and we are headed West.

One funny thing that happened is at breakfast yesterday, I said to Arianna, "I told you to leave the drama in Colorado." She replied, "I did, this is Utah drama." Well what more can you say to that.!!!!

Aside from the horrible scenery, Nevada really doesn't have any other redeeming qualities other than casinos every where you turn, It was a nice ride. The closer we got to the west coast, the more excited I became. We stopped in Reno and Jim jumped out and ran into one of the casinos to "gamble" while the kids and I circled the block in the van 8 times... LOL!!!

Now at least he can say he "gambled in Reno". Too funny!! The kids were impatient and can you blame them!!!!!
We discovered we had a satelite radio in the car, pretty much commercial free radio. So Jim and I took a tour of the 70's 80's and 90's. It was a walk down memory lane, from rapping along with coolio in gangstas paradise, to "rump shaker", and even all the way back to "mellow yellow".

I asked Jim, if he could go back and change just one thing, what would it be? he said he wouldn't have listened to his parents and went ahead and pursued his degree in musical engineering. They told him, there was no future in it.
He followed it up with, "that's why I am going to tell my kids they can do and be anything they want to be.".....

HOW BOUT THAT!!!!!

Maybe this isn't just a journey for me........

Blessings, until we talk again.

Holiday Road

So we have commenced on the Fiducia Family vacation! After driving the first day until 3am, we stopped in Salt Lake City Utah, got up had breakfast and headed out again. The car trip was filled with music, laughter, a lot of "both of you stop it right now," I am always amazed at kids who can sleep sitting up in car seats. You must lose that ability as you get older.
As I drove, music from the past played on the radio, a barrage of 80's hits, taking me back to my youth, and once again stirring up inside me, those questions that I have been asking myself over the last month.
As "stuck on you" by Lionel Richie played, I was taken all the way back to 19 and my first "real" true love, with short dark hair,and dark eyes. I will call him "Tony",because if he ever reads this he will know who he is. Tony was my first love, true love,although at 19 I knew nothing. This would ring so very true for me just a few short years later. So back to tony, I guess he likes Lionel Richie, because the other song from him to me was "say you,say me." Those were the days, or were they?
So lets just call this trip what it is, A journey. Maybe not to Italy, or Bali, but none the less a journey.
I marvel once again in that pure love, the love I see not only in the eyes of my husband, but in my children's as well.
The only thing missing is nick, all grown up and seeing the world, well at least one part of it right now. I say a short prayer for his safety, as well as that of my family and our van as we are "rockin down the highway."
I pause to thank God once again, for his abundant blessings,and for saving me.
For without him, NONE of this would be possible.......
What will tomorrow bring on day 2?
Until then.................

A day at the park, with a small ounce of reflection

I know that its bee a few days since I blogged and this blog is probably going to be a littlw longer than originally anticipated. The last couple of days have been somber ones, been feeling some of that old self doubt and anxiety creeping in here or there. I realize that I need to get super serious about my weight. Mostly because I am feeling uncomfortable in my skin again and thats always a bad sign. We won the video contest at church and what fun it was to win a new flip video camera/ultra hd. this little thing take some unbelievable video.
So back to that small ounce of reflection, I have had a few conversations with my oldest child, affectionately known as Air Force Puppy. I came to the realization that even though he is 20, that I am doing and saying and giving advice, perhaps functioning in the role that I did when he was 15 thru the age of 17. Only now is he listening and maybe even taking the advice, That he never allowed in, much less listened to back then.
Its nice to finally see that as a mom, you may actually know what you are talking about and he can benifit from my years of experience and wisdom. (that sounded good didnt it, LOL). Pausing to take pics of the kids, and enjoy the absolute pure joy in their faces and smiles. What could be better? ( dont answer that, LOL)


Okay where was I, reflection. I find that I have begun to reflect on a lot of things these days. Some good, some bad, some ugly. For the most part I have decided that reflection is good. The bad part of it is that it certianly does show me, what I was missing, what I have done wrong, and what I can do better.
How much time do we take to do this very thing?
I have spent some time looking back at the very thing that probably caused all the problems that came later in life. My mother, God rest her soul, I am sure she meant well, but I hate to say that she really did suck at alot of things.
I also discovered one of the ugly roots of my problems is insecurity, and I have said before thats a whole nuther post, or probably a chapter in my book.
The sun is warm, and the wind is blowing, in the distance I can hear those familiar words, "mom, momma, look at me." I glance over at the play scape they are playing on and hold my breath for a second, while my youngest is hanging in way that could cause a skull fracture.




"Be careful" I say that alot these days........

I guess it might be time to wrap it up for now, I am thinking slushes at sonic for the kids, as a final treat to end our day together.
Looking forward to vacation, it wil be here before we know it... that will be a blog to follow for sure....
I will be back soon.....

Where has the Hope gone?

I had another blog post that I haven't finished yet, but felt compelled to write this one. Yesterday a woman jumped from a bridge over I-25 and was hit by a bus and died. Now not to be a downer, but it really got me thinking. Where did her hope go? what is happening in the world today? and more importantly how do I protect my children from ever feeling like ending their life is the only way to end the pain.
My heart just ached over this, because when I had no hope, my hope was renewed by Jesus. Giving my life over to Christ gave me knew hope, and as I began to grow in my faith, I realized that all things were possible thru him.
I know that there may be some of you that are thinking, "well religion may have been the answer for you, but its just not for me." well I am here to tell you that religion is the only answer. and yes that is just my opinion, but in the three years I have been a christian, my life has been a testimony to the power of prayer.
I am also not here to judge anyone, nor would I ever, I am just merely telling my story, because my story, could be your story, or anyones story for that matter.
But lets drift back over to the whole point of this particular blog. HOPE.
I wonder if this woman had no where to turn and no one to talk to, how did she get to the point she ended her life with?
Depression is a mighty powerful thing, powerful enough to cloud your judgment, make you do and say things you never thought you would ever find yourself saying. You see I have walked the path of depression, right out there to the very edge, I leaned over and peered into the abyss below.
I was lucky enough to have been strong enough to pull myself back from the edge. Some are not that lucky.
There are so many things going on in the world today, a bad economy, no money, bills upon bills, loss of jobs... not alot to be hopeful for. You see I believe that there is hope, hope for a better life, future, the love of all my kids.
I guess the whole point of this post is just to let ya know, that there is always hope, no matter how bad things get.
Think about it friends, what is it that gives you hope? Gets you up in the morning, helps you thru the day.
Many thoughts and blessings for all of you, hug your kids a little tighter, tell someone you love them today..
Life is just too short....too short
Until we talk again

Nothing beats a sunny day by the pool.

As I sat by the pool this morning, and watched as my children played in the water, I had a great man sitting beside me, I was once again reminded of my blessings and just how fortunate I really am.
Part of me realized that there was one thing missing from this almost perfect day, and that would be my nick. Somewhere far away, fighting to keep this country free, so u and I can enjoy our freedoms. If he were here and safe, the day would be perfect.
And it assures me all the more, that these are the moments that are too precious to pass by.
It assures me, that life really is too short, and I want to savor every minute of it. And it makes me thank God even more, for the insight and the realization, that no matter what it is, I can do it, big or small!!! Stop, and just look around you, take inventory, what matters, what doesnt. You may be surprised at what u might find.
Till we talk again.....

Random Acts of Kindness

Today I was at Wal-Mart, needed some painting items, cuz we are painting the dining room over before the new wood floor goes in next month. I was in line at the check out and a couple walked up behind me with a big bag of dog food and that was it. I turned and told them they could go in front of me, because I had a few items in my basket and I didnt want them to wait.

Well you should have seen the looks on their faces! It was a kodak moment, the husband mumbles somthing like "are u sure"? and "I will make this a painless as possible"? I smiled and replied, "No worries" go ahead. When they were done checking out they both turned to me and said "Thank you so very very much." I replied with "Sure, enjoy the rest of your sunday."

After they walked off, I thought about it, and realized that this was the same reaction I had gotten when I had done this before. Are random acts of kindness, really that random?

Is it really that difficult for someone to let other go in front of them in the grocery line?

Is it just me who does things like this or do ya'll do it occasionaly also.
What if every person did one random act of kindess a day? Wishful thinking?
Is it? Maybe...

But I'll bet the world would be a happier place or at least someones day would be a little brighter, if we all just stopped for 10 seconds and thought about it.

Have I got u thinking now?

as always, until we meet again.....

Fear Factor

"Fear and anxiety can diminish one's soul while completely mutilate ones true self."

A friend made that statement on one of my other blog posts and it intrigued me. So lets talk about what keeps us from truly achieving things, or more so merely trying. Fear! Fear paralyzes us from taking that bungee jump or skydive, it may even prevent us from somthing so simple as telling someone we love them.
For me, its all about fear, and insecurity, but insecurity is another post. I do think that the two walk hand in hand.
If you sit and ponder this idea for a while, I imagine you could come up with a list of things that fear has prevented you from trying, doing or achieving. Why? Well, failure would be the driving force.
I don't like to fail, does anyone? and trust me, this year I have become an expert in that particular dicipline. Somthing I am not proud of, but not afraid to admit, and certianly not afraid to face.
So where are we so far? "I don't want to do it, because I'm afraid of failing."
Sound familiar? no need to raise your hand, LOL, more things to think about.
So what can we do about it? Well, overcoming that fear, probably a good start, easy in theory, not so easy in action.
This one, we have to take baby steps with. My faith in God always helps me, I trust that God will take care of it, but it doesnt stop me from not being afraid, well sometimes it does. Those of you who know me, know this to be 100% true.
But lately I have realized, that I dont want to be afraid anymore. I want to jump out of that airplane, even though as I write this, I am terrified of the idea.
But I am determined to grow a set, overcome my fear and do it. I am sure I will be screaming the entire way down. (Video to come later)!
I know that I have let my fear stop me in so many ways, I cant count them all. I have missed out on way to much. I plan to miss out on nothing more....

What has your fear stopped you from doing?

Until next time........

You Seek up an Emotion and your cup is overflowing.

Ah sweet emotions, not the Aerosmith song, but those tiny little or sometimes great big things that throw us into a tailspin more than we would like them too. People always say, dont make a decision while your emotional. But isnt that exactly what everyone does?? LOL.

From the time we are small, we are told a variety of different things. "Don't cry, cry, don't show your emotions, your weak if you do... etc,etc, Well I say, forget all that... Scream from the rooftops, roll around on the ground and let it all hang out.
You see the worst thing we can do, is to bottle it up.

I have been told by more than one person, that I am an "emotionally packed person". Now the 5 of you that are laughing... knock it off. Me? emotional.. Never. Okay, are you done laughing. Actually, go ahead laugh, because it is funny. The interesting thing about me, is that its raw emotion. Now that being said, that can get me into trouble sometimes.

Not in the literal sense, but if I dont keep it in check, I end up doing more damage to myself than anyone else.

these days I tend to think of myself as an onion, "You gotta peel me back layer by layer." ( thank you Sandra Bullock from the blindside) So are emotions a good thing, or a bad thing....and how do we really take control and not let our emotions control us.

the answer you come up with, may actually surprise you.....

I will speak again with you soon.

Funny the Way it is...

I had a converstion with my sister on the phone the other day, and I was telling her about my new thought process, my "enlightenement" so to speak. We had been talking for about 30 minutes and she said can I ask you a question? "Did a doctor tell you somthing and you just dont want to tell me?"
I laughed harder than I had laughed in a long time, and said, "No, Im not dying, but trust me, if I was, I would be planning a trip to Italy and not to the west coast."
It made me think though, it really was a good point...No I wasnt dying, what my plan is, is to start LIVING!!!
Fuller and more than I have ever done up to this point. You see the question is not WHY? but WHY NOT? I take great comfort in knowing that there is so much more out there that I havent done...and that the things that I thought defined me, really didnt at all.
That there really is some true purpose and true meaning to why I was put on this planet.
It also brings to mind a quote by an author named Leo Buscaglia. He says, "Live each day,as if it were your last, cuz you know what, one of these days, your gonna be right."
food for thought friends, food for thought...... until next time

Its a New Dawn, its a New Day, Its a New Life for me, and I'm feeling good....

Okay so you win a prize if you can tell me who sings that song. It actually is quite fitting given the recent events. Part of me is breathing in a new wind of change, I recently began to wonder, just what exactly was my mark on this life going to be. What was my legacy to my children going to be? at 43 what had i done? what had I seen? to be truthful it wasnt much.
Now dont get me wrong, there have been things of course, that I have accomplished, and I am not taking those things for granted. My son Nicholas, of course, my greatest accomplishment so far. My children, my husband, my military service, but it really runs much deeper than that.
For example, listening to the guide at the zoo, about the african elephants ear being shaped like africa....
How did i get to 43 and not know this??? LOL What a true miracle of God, that when he made that elephant, found on that continent, has ears shaped like his home.
It has set a blaze a fire in me, that I have realized my bucket list... HUGE, MAJOR BIG and my life is already half over.
Now dont get me wrong, this isn't about a bucket list either. Its about ME...seeing things, and doing things and making those memories with my kids, its about things that are so much more important than the things that I thought defined who I am...
It's about self discovery, self actualization, and most of all its about not wasting another second of my life.........

until we talk again

My 3 Beautiful Children

This is one of the most incredible pics of my kids ever taken. I look at this and I want to cry. The photo was taken by Marla of Marla Frederick photography!

I am back....

Man O Man, where do I begin.... I have come to another crossroads in my life.. woo wheee what else is new, seems to be my new mo.... There is a ton to tell and a ton to talk about....
I will be back to tell the story soon....