Wednesday, July 7, 2010

A day at the park, with a small ounce of reflection

I know that its bee a few days since I blogged and this blog is probably going to be a littlw longer than originally anticipated. The last couple of days have been somber ones, been feeling some of that old self doubt and anxiety creeping in here or there. I realize that I need to get super serious about my weight. Mostly because I am feeling uncomfortable in my skin again and thats always a bad sign. We won the video contest at church and what fun it was to win a new flip video camera/ultra hd. this little thing take some unbelievable video.
So back to that small ounce of reflection, I have had a few conversations with my oldest child, affectionately known as Air Force Puppy. I came to the realization that even though he is 20, that I am doing and saying and giving advice, perhaps functioning in the role that I did when he was 15 thru the age of 17. Only now is he listening and maybe even taking the advice, That he never allowed in, much less listened to back then.
Its nice to finally see that as a mom, you may actually know what you are talking about and he can benifit from my years of experience and wisdom. (that sounded good didnt it, LOL). Pausing to take pics of the kids, and enjoy the absolute pure joy in their faces and smiles. What could be better? ( dont answer that, LOL)

Okay where was I, reflection. I find that I have begun to reflect on a lot of things these days. Some good, some bad, some ugly. For the most part I have decided that reflection is good. The bad part of it is that it certianly does show me, what I was missing, what I have done wrong, and what I can do better.
How much time do we take to do this very thing?
I have spent some time looking back at the very thing that probably caused all the problems that came later in life. My mother, God rest her soul, I am sure she meant well, but I hate to say that she really did suck at alot of things.
I also discovered one of the ugly roots of my problems is insecurity, and I have said before thats a whole nuther post, or probably a chapter in my book.
The sun is warm, and the wind is blowing, in the distance I can hear those familiar words, "mom, momma, look at me." I glance over at the play scape they are playing on and hold my breath for a second, while my youngest is hanging in way that could cause a skull fracture.

"Be careful" I say that alot these days........

I guess it might be time to wrap it up for now, I am thinking slushes at sonic for the kids, as a final treat to end our day together.
Looking forward to vacation, it wil be here before we know it... that will be a blog to follow for sure....
I will be back soon.....

No comments: