Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Prayers answered, and what a year 2008 has been

It has been one heck of a year, and as I sit here this morning as another chapter is closed in this book of life, I am thankful, blessed beyond words and most of all grateful. God has shown me time and time again, that if I believe, and I hand it over to him he WILL take care of it. I have seen many prayers, too many to count answered.

2008 brought a high school graduation, kindergarten graduation, pre-school starting. It took a boy into the United States Military and made him the man I have seen over this last 2 weeks of christmas break. I am again humbled and thankful that God took care of my son. 2008 also brought financial difficulties that were very stressful and scary at times for this family. But once again, I trusted in God, I gave my tithes at church when I was able, and sometimes it was only a few bucks.

But God blessed this family 10 fold, I found out in 2008 just how precious, coffee and cottonelle really are. Toilet tissue should never be taken for granted, and appreciated always... you dont know how important they are until you really really need them. But God provided us with the blessings of milk, tp, coffee and food when the cupboards were low.

I cant say enough thank you's for the love that my beautiful church family gave me this entire year...again I am blessed beyond words.

2008 brought new friends and old friends back into our lives. Some came and some went, some choose to stay, and some never really made it back completely. Those friends far and near, blessed this family in ways i could never have imagined. YOU know who YOU are, and you know what you mean to this family. Thanking you for all that you did for us in our time of need, just isnt enough. The "grocery fairy's" are so loved in ways they dont even know.

A special thanks and blessing to my group of "mommas", whose love and support never would have gotten me thru 2008. You all have a special place in my heart and I love you all.

2008 went by so quickly and I am eager to see what 2009 and what God has in store for this family. My children are thriving and blossoming and God is blessing them in ways I could never have imagined also.

There is great power in prayer, hand it all over to God and believe that he will take care of it, and he will. The final big event of 2008 had to be my fathers quadruple bypass. A scary surgery, but God took care of it, and my daddy is doing well.

Nick leaves in 2 days to go back to Lackland, to continue this wonderful journey and to make it even sweeter he is doing it in a brand new car!!! While I am sad to see him go, the last two weeks have been stressful and wonderful and all good. He leaves me with a peace, and the confidence of knowing that he is going to be okay....

And finally 2008 saw my Miami Dolphins win the division championship, what a joy that was...

So looking forward to I write this, I cant seem to get a song we sing in church out of my mind... the chorus goes like this.....

"Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come! With all creation, I sing, Praise to the King of Kings, you are my eveything, and I will adore you.."

till we talk again, blessings to you and yours for this new year!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

5 Year Anniversary

Today is the 5 year anniversary of my mothers death. She died at 55 of breast cancer. This date was the worst day of my life. And yet she's still there, diapproving, telling me I'm not good enough, or a lousy mother, or I should have never had kids. I miss my mother so much, and yet if she were still here, she would still, be torturing her children. Blaming us for all the shortcomings in her life, just like she did on this day 5 years ago.
I guess it does no good to dwell in the negativity of the situation, I mean she died and that was it. Leaving a total of 7 grandchildren. My nick was her first grandbaby. He had a special connection with her. I guess he always will. I hope that she is his guardian angel, and she protects him and watches over him as he continues on this path he is on. I do know that she would have been very proud of him.
I know that someday we will see each other again, but for now, there are times when I wish I could pick up the phone and hear her voice. I would give anything for one more argument.

She was only 17 in the pics and I was a baby.....

thats all for now.......


Saturday, November 22, 2008

What are you THANKFUL for....

As thanksgiving approaches us this upcoming week, I find myself looking back over the course of the last year. What do I have to be thankful for? Well the answer to that question is an obvious one. ALOT! The last couple of weeks have been rough on me, I find myself reflecting on alot of things that I am still not happy with in regards to me. But if I stop for just a moment, I realize that not only am I lucky, but I am blessed too.
People are so funny sometimes, no matter how much you think they have changed, they manage to prove to you in one way or another, just how they really haven't. I have a true servant heart, and you will never find a more devoted and loyal friend, yet those qualities always seem to get me hurt, or get taken advantage of.
I look back over the last 12 months and I am so thankful that God has blessed this family with health, I look at the blessing of my Nick, and him being able to start his life. No one could have told me then, that things would have worked out the way that they did, and turned out soooooooooo good.
I am thankful that I have a man who loves me, no matter how I look and no matter what the circumstance. And even though we have been struggling with finances, I am thankful that God has provided a way, always......
Jesus has blessed this family, beyond words, beyond explanation, and sometimes beyond reason.
I have stood firmly on Christ the solid rock, I have kept the faith, and I have wethered the storm.
Wet,cold, beaten down, or just plain tired of it all, I am still standing.....
And that this Thanksgiving is what I am most thankful for.......

Until next time.....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

To Nick and all service members and their families.

Today is veterans day and I just wanted to say "THANK YOU". To those who have fought and left us only with their memories of service, and to those who are currently fighting each day to keep us free, and to their families, Thank you!

And to all those young men and women who freely volunteered to serve this country with pride, I thank you.

I am proud to have also served this country so many years ago, but I am even prouder to be the mother of someone currently serving.

May God Bless all of you, and keep you and your families safe.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Happy Birthday Dante

Dearest Dante,
Its hard to believe that you are 3 already, it seems like only yesterday you were so tiny, (well not that tiny). Sweet, and Innocent, and now you are rolling your eyes at me, telling me NO, and most of the time you are the poster boy for "domestic terrorism" in this house.

"ah the memories", Thanks for making me so proud, for getting into anything and everything, and for showing me you could cause me more grey hair than your Big Brother Nicholas...........

Love your exhausted mother

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The last couple of days

The last couple of days have just sucked!! Royally, I have been trying to put my finger on what has been wrong and pin it down. I really shouldn't complain because aside from the crap about myself that I do battle with, my weight, my need and desire to do something I have always wanted to do. Our financial worries, My constant battle with trying to do it all and really never stopping.
I really do have so so much to be thankful for, because God has certianly provided the way for us.
I know that there are people out there who have faced extraordinary odds and beaten them, and people who are facing tragedy and illness and so many other things. Where do I get off, whining about my crap?
My kids are healthy, my son is in the military, happy and doing well. I have a good husband, who loves me, (apparently regardless of how big my ass is) :) More money would make things a little easier. But do I really have a reason to complain? NO!
So I need to go back to finding the simple joy, that I have missed in all the little things in my life.
I guess the rest will just fall into place......

thanks for reading.... until next time.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Simply Pure Heaven

You know its so funny sometimes, you think that when they turn 18, they go off and join the military, tackling manhood with all the energy of the 3 year old that you take care of daily. You think that your job may be done, in some small way. But the truth is, your job really is never done. My phone rang at 4:45 am this morning, and it was my son. He was putting on his Class A's and getting ready for flag detail. I was half awake, but he took the time to pick up the phone, because he just wanted to chat with me.
There is no way to describe what that feels like. Yesterday he surprised me on the computer, with a web cam chat that he paid for, we couldnt hear each other, but what pure bliss it was to see him smile and see him laugh, when I typed somthing silly or stupid.
This child, that 2 years ago, I thought I had lost all contact with, that we would never have any type of relationship ever, has suddenly been reborn. God gave me back my son, and I so cherish each and every day that passes. We are going to see him at christmas and our plan is to throw a big christmas open house for everyone to come and see him.
We are first and foremost moms, no matter how much we think the apron strings need to be cut, even when we cut them, they are attached to us in so many other ways.
I am so proud to be his mother, he even asked if I could come to his tech school graduation. I am going to start now to raise the money to take the trip, I am hoping it will be possible.

anyway..thats all for now.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The middle of October already!!!

Here it is, the middle of october and Nick is into his 3rd month of being in the military. Where has the time gone. He sent me the pic you see, of him and his CQ group pulling duty at 1am. I have been told how happy he looks. And he does!


I do miss him alot, but I am always happy to hear about the new and exciting things that are going on with him. My hubby and I were watching a special on HBO a couple of nights ago, about Section 60 at Arlington National Cemetary. You see all soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanastain are eligible for burial there. Not to bring this blog down, but we both looked at each other and said, that if somthing happened to Nick, it would be hard to have him so far away from us.
It was a somber moment, and I guess we have never thought of it that way. My heart just went out to the moms they were showing on the show. I hope that we are never in that position.

Anyway, the time is just going by so fast, and we are now looking forward to christmas, when he comes home to visit. Hopefully those plans wont change. The two little ones are doing most excellent, and we are getting ready for halloween.

thats all for now, I needed to update, or Susan was going to give me 50 lashings... :)

until next time

Friday, September 12, 2008

Time to say goodbye

So here we are on the last day, time to say goodbye. It was a quiet day, we had to stay on base, and we had lunch together. Walked about the BX, and just spent time together. I can look back now and say that it was an amazing reunification of this family. He had spent more time with us and his brother and sister than he had ever in the last couple of years. I got my son back, and now I longed for more and more of that. But at least it was a glimpse to what the future would bring.

The end of the day came so quickly, and it was time for all of us to say goodby. I gave him one of my dogtags to wear with his. Arianna cried, and we all cried except for Nick. It was a glorious 4 days, to see him grown up in so many ways, a man now. My job finished. I know that I have done a good job, that was pretty evident. We hugged what seemed like a million times, and we needed to get on the road for home.

I watched as my son took all of the things that I had brought from home for him, turned and walked off. Off he went to start a new life and a new adventure in life, my heart could not contain itself as I remembered that day in March, 1990. When he came into this world, and they put him into my arms. And now 18 years later, the man he has become, but my baby boy he will always be.....


until next time.........

Friday, September 5, 2008

4 days of bliss

Catching up where we left off, it was really hard to wrap my head around the change in my son. He was so different yet, still the same in alot of ways, he smiled the whole time we were there. He was quiet, but in a good way, not in the way before where I would have worried. It was so good to be with him, but it did feel akward too.
We had to stay on base the first day, so we went to the store, and sat in the car, and drove around alot. We were just happy to be together, Graduation was on friday, and the morning was overcast and cool. At least it was cool for an hour, then the humidity kicked in full force and we were sweating our butts off.
The ceremony was full of pride, and it was amazing. Jim and I were very very proud parents. My son passed by in the flight carrying all the colors, american and 50 state flags. My favorite part, was when they all walked forward and stood and repeated their oath of enlistment. It brought tears to my eyes.
The rest of the weekend was spent off base on Friday and Saturday. We went to seaworld, and then downtown for dinner. He bought us dinner, which was a big change. (He never bought us a meal, ever..)
On sunday when we picked him up on base at the BX, he came out with gifts for Jim and I. He bought 2 movie posters for his dad, and Jim burst into tears in the truck. This was the first time he had ever bought Jim anything. He bought me my favorite computer game Diner Dash. Then later in the day he purchased dog tags that said Proud Air Force Mom/Dad... One for each of us.
that brought everybody to tears also.
Then on sunday night it was time to go.....

Friday, August 22, 2008

Odd at first, but overcome with happiness...

There he was in a blue crisp clean uniform, with a smile on his face. A little stiff in responding to our hugs, but I understood why. Public Dispalys of Affection. He was so happy to see us, as we were happy to see him. It took a little while for it to start to sink in that here was a MAN, still a boy in some ways and in some ways not.
You could tell he was so proud of his accomplishments, so full of pride, and finally happy. He talked...alot. But we were so eager to hear all of the stories he had to tell us. He never once answered with Fine! Sure! Yeah!. I didnt sense a drop of old attitude in him, only a new BOO YA kick ass, I'm an airman now attitude.

He had grown up! and this fact would inevitably take a few more days to sink in. I think that part of me is still trying to wrap my head around it all. He was nick, but so different.

I think he spent more time with his baby sister in the 4 days we were there then he had in the whole time she has been on the planet. He said to he "Im sorry I wont be there for your birthday baby girl, but I will send you a present". I almost burst into tears when I heard this. She was so happy to be getting the attention she was getting from her big brother.

be back in a few.....

Thursday, August 21, 2008

So where exactly do I begin.........

Well 6 weeks ago I watched my child, my firstborn my get onto a white bus and head off to Denver to depart for Lackland AFB, in San Antonio Texas to begin Air Force basic training. Little did I realize at the time that this was going to be the biggest test we both would have to face.
You know when they come into this world, there is nothing like their sweet angelic faces, and I think that we all make ourselves those promises to do the best we can and make as few mistakes as possible.
One of the things that I wrote in a letter to my son when he left was "I MAY NOT HAVE ALWAYS GOTTEN IT RIGHT IN THE BEGINNING, BUT I DO BELIEVE THAT I GOT IT "SPOT ON" IN THE END.

So for 6 weeks it has been an emotional rollercoaster, he had a rough time in the beginning, and I worried about him making it thru. Did he have what it took? Was he going to be okay? I knew in my heart that he would, and I leaned way into my faith in God, that he was in control of the situation and would take care of my Nick. I prayed faithfully everyday, and marked each day off on the calender. Counting down the days until our trip to San Antonio, both excited and scared to see the MAN that the Air Force was giving back to me.

God was faithful, as was I in my prayers, and oh how the power of prayer was evident to me, when the announcer at the coin ceremony said "your airmen are released to your visitors" I ran thru a sea of blue, knowing the general area my son was in, to find myself standing in front, of the child I has brought into the world 18 years ago.............

more in the next post.........