A day at the park, with a small ounce of reflection

I know that its bee a few days since I blogged and this blog is probably going to be a littlw longer than originally anticipated. The last couple of days have been somber ones, been feeling some of that old self doubt and anxiety creeping in here or there. I realize that I need to get super serious about my weight. Mostly because I am feeling uncomfortable in my skin again and thats always a bad sign. We won the video contest at church and what fun it was to win a new flip video camera/ultra hd. this little thing take some unbelievable video.
So back to that small ounce of reflection, I have had a few conversations with my oldest child, affectionately known as Air Force Puppy. I came to the realization that even though he is 20, that I am doing and saying and giving advice, perhaps functioning in the role that I did when he was 15 thru the age of 17. Only now is he listening and maybe even taking the advice, That he never allowed in, much less listened to back then.
Its nice to finally see that as a mom, you may actually know what you are talking about and he can benifit from my years of experience and wisdom. (that sounded good didnt it, LOL). Pausing to take pics of the kids, and enjoy the absolute pure joy in their faces and smiles. What could be better? ( dont answer that, LOL)


Okay where was I, reflection. I find that I have begun to reflect on a lot of things these days. Some good, some bad, some ugly. For the most part I have decided that reflection is good. The bad part of it is that it certianly does show me, what I was missing, what I have done wrong, and what I can do better.
How much time do we take to do this very thing?
I have spent some time looking back at the very thing that probably caused all the problems that came later in life. My mother, God rest her soul, I am sure she meant well, but I hate to say that she really did suck at alot of things.
I also discovered one of the ugly roots of my problems is insecurity, and I have said before thats a whole nuther post, or probably a chapter in my book.
The sun is warm, and the wind is blowing, in the distance I can hear those familiar words, "mom, momma, look at me." I glance over at the play scape they are playing on and hold my breath for a second, while my youngest is hanging in way that could cause a skull fracture.




"Be careful" I say that alot these days........

I guess it might be time to wrap it up for now, I am thinking slushes at sonic for the kids, as a final treat to end our day together.
Looking forward to vacation, it wil be here before we know it... that will be a blog to follow for sure....
I will be back soon.....

Where has the Hope gone?

I had another blog post that I haven't finished yet, but felt compelled to write this one. Yesterday a woman jumped from a bridge over I-25 and was hit by a bus and died. Now not to be a downer, but it really got me thinking. Where did her hope go? what is happening in the world today? and more importantly how do I protect my children from ever feeling like ending their life is the only way to end the pain.
My heart just ached over this, because when I had no hope, my hope was renewed by Jesus. Giving my life over to Christ gave me knew hope, and as I began to grow in my faith, I realized that all things were possible thru him.
I know that there may be some of you that are thinking, "well religion may have been the answer for you, but its just not for me." well I am here to tell you that religion is the only answer. and yes that is just my opinion, but in the three years I have been a christian, my life has been a testimony to the power of prayer.
I am also not here to judge anyone, nor would I ever, I am just merely telling my story, because my story, could be your story, or anyones story for that matter.
But lets drift back over to the whole point of this particular blog. HOPE.
I wonder if this woman had no where to turn and no one to talk to, how did she get to the point she ended her life with?
Depression is a mighty powerful thing, powerful enough to cloud your judgment, make you do and say things you never thought you would ever find yourself saying. You see I have walked the path of depression, right out there to the very edge, I leaned over and peered into the abyss below.
I was lucky enough to have been strong enough to pull myself back from the edge. Some are not that lucky.
There are so many things going on in the world today, a bad economy, no money, bills upon bills, loss of jobs... not alot to be hopeful for. You see I believe that there is hope, hope for a better life, future, the love of all my kids.
I guess the whole point of this post is just to let ya know, that there is always hope, no matter how bad things get.
Think about it friends, what is it that gives you hope? Gets you up in the morning, helps you thru the day.
Many thoughts and blessings for all of you, hug your kids a little tighter, tell someone you love them today..
Life is just too short....too short
Until we talk again

Nothing beats a sunny day by the pool.

As I sat by the pool this morning, and watched as my children played in the water, I had a great man sitting beside me, I was once again reminded of my blessings and just how fortunate I really am.
Part of me realized that there was one thing missing from this almost perfect day, and that would be my nick. Somewhere far away, fighting to keep this country free, so u and I can enjoy our freedoms. If he were here and safe, the day would be perfect.
And it assures me all the more, that these are the moments that are too precious to pass by.
It assures me, that life really is too short, and I want to savor every minute of it. And it makes me thank God even more, for the insight and the realization, that no matter what it is, I can do it, big or small!!! Stop, and just look around you, take inventory, what matters, what doesnt. You may be surprised at what u might find.
Till we talk again.....

Random Acts of Kindness

Today I was at Wal-Mart, needed some painting items, cuz we are painting the dining room over before the new wood floor goes in next month. I was in line at the check out and a couple walked up behind me with a big bag of dog food and that was it. I turned and told them they could go in front of me, because I had a few items in my basket and I didnt want them to wait.

Well you should have seen the looks on their faces! It was a kodak moment, the husband mumbles somthing like "are u sure"? and "I will make this a painless as possible"? I smiled and replied, "No worries" go ahead. When they were done checking out they both turned to me and said "Thank you so very very much." I replied with "Sure, enjoy the rest of your sunday."

After they walked off, I thought about it, and realized that this was the same reaction I had gotten when I had done this before. Are random acts of kindness, really that random?

Is it really that difficult for someone to let other go in front of them in the grocery line?

Is it just me who does things like this or do ya'll do it occasionaly also.
What if every person did one random act of kindess a day? Wishful thinking?
Is it? Maybe...

But I'll bet the world would be a happier place or at least someones day would be a little brighter, if we all just stopped for 10 seconds and thought about it.

Have I got u thinking now?

as always, until we meet again.....

Fear Factor

"Fear and anxiety can diminish one's soul while completely mutilate ones true self."

A friend made that statement on one of my other blog posts and it intrigued me. So lets talk about what keeps us from truly achieving things, or more so merely trying. Fear! Fear paralyzes us from taking that bungee jump or skydive, it may even prevent us from somthing so simple as telling someone we love them.
For me, its all about fear, and insecurity, but insecurity is another post. I do think that the two walk hand in hand.
If you sit and ponder this idea for a while, I imagine you could come up with a list of things that fear has prevented you from trying, doing or achieving. Why? Well, failure would be the driving force.
I don't like to fail, does anyone? and trust me, this year I have become an expert in that particular dicipline. Somthing I am not proud of, but not afraid to admit, and certianly not afraid to face.
So where are we so far? "I don't want to do it, because I'm afraid of failing."
Sound familiar? no need to raise your hand, LOL, more things to think about.
So what can we do about it? Well, overcoming that fear, probably a good start, easy in theory, not so easy in action.
This one, we have to take baby steps with. My faith in God always helps me, I trust that God will take care of it, but it doesnt stop me from not being afraid, well sometimes it does. Those of you who know me, know this to be 100% true.
But lately I have realized, that I dont want to be afraid anymore. I want to jump out of that airplane, even though as I write this, I am terrified of the idea.
But I am determined to grow a set, overcome my fear and do it. I am sure I will be screaming the entire way down. (Video to come later)!
I know that I have let my fear stop me in so many ways, I cant count them all. I have missed out on way to much. I plan to miss out on nothing more....

What has your fear stopped you from doing?

Until next time........

You Seek up an Emotion and your cup is overflowing.

Ah sweet emotions, not the Aerosmith song, but those tiny little or sometimes great big things that throw us into a tailspin more than we would like them too. People always say, dont make a decision while your emotional. But isnt that exactly what everyone does?? LOL.

From the time we are small, we are told a variety of different things. "Don't cry, cry, don't show your emotions, your weak if you do... etc,etc, Well I say, forget all that... Scream from the rooftops, roll around on the ground and let it all hang out.
You see the worst thing we can do, is to bottle it up.

I have been told by more than one person, that I am an "emotionally packed person". Now the 5 of you that are laughing... knock it off. Me? emotional.. Never. Okay, are you done laughing. Actually, go ahead laugh, because it is funny. The interesting thing about me, is that its raw emotion. Now that being said, that can get me into trouble sometimes.

Not in the literal sense, but if I dont keep it in check, I end up doing more damage to myself than anyone else.

these days I tend to think of myself as an onion, "You gotta peel me back layer by layer." ( thank you Sandra Bullock from the blindside) So are emotions a good thing, or a bad thing....and how do we really take control and not let our emotions control us.

the answer you come up with, may actually surprise you.....

I will speak again with you soon.

Funny the Way it is...

I had a converstion with my sister on the phone the other day, and I was telling her about my new thought process, my "enlightenement" so to speak. We had been talking for about 30 minutes and she said can I ask you a question? "Did a doctor tell you somthing and you just dont want to tell me?"
I laughed harder than I had laughed in a long time, and said, "No, Im not dying, but trust me, if I was, I would be planning a trip to Italy and not to the west coast."
It made me think though, it really was a good point...No I wasnt dying, what my plan is, is to start LIVING!!!
Fuller and more than I have ever done up to this point. You see the question is not WHY? but WHY NOT? I take great comfort in knowing that there is so much more out there that I havent done...and that the things that I thought defined me, really didnt at all.
That there really is some true purpose and true meaning to why I was put on this planet.
It also brings to mind a quote by an author named Leo Buscaglia. He says, "Live each day,as if it were your last, cuz you know what, one of these days, your gonna be right."
food for thought friends, food for thought...... until next time