The Last Bastion of Summer

As I sit here on this chilly monday morning with my 2nd cup of coffee, I am reflecting on the summer and where exactly it went. It sure did go by quick, and while I am somewhat sad that it is over, I am also happy. Wednesday I start my fall semester, and the kids go back to school, and while a juggler was a profession I never wanted to try. I guess I will do anything once.
I have God to thank for his abundant blessings in all areas of my life. He has blessed this family 10x infinity, and while I sit and watch the birds hunt and eat up worms in the back yard, I am comforted.
The change in the season brings excitement and fear all packaged up and tied with a pretty bow. And the quest continues, I am thankful for many things today, you my friends being one of them....
Blessings as always and we will talk again soon.

Back to School Night

Last night was the proverbial back to school night. I am very happy with my daughters teacher and my hubby met the new pre-school teacher. After all the classroom fun, I and a good friend manned the girlscout table to give parents all sorts of info, on girl scouts. There was alot of interest and that is always good.

Last year I was the troop leader, for daisy's and it was a good thing because it made my daughter very happy. At the end of the year, I was deeply hurt by two of the mothers in my troop, one in particular. Last night as I was talking to a potential mom for this years brownie troop she just walked right up and started talking to this mom.

You see I was originally going to give up my troop, then decided to keep it, and these two ladies formed another troop and I lost a few of my girls. Last night it just seemed like this big competitive thing.

I guess the point of what I just told you, is that this morning, I am feeling a little under the weather. Wondering is this person going to take this mom to her new troop, maybe say bad things about me, maybe just do everything she can to sabotage the whole thing for me this year. This person caused the original problem and I was the one scathed in the whole thing.

I just dont have the time, much less the energy to deal with this and the petty drama that will go along with it. Its really hard for me to hold back my anger at all of it. And part of me just wants to say "screw it all" regardless of how it may hurt my daughter in the long run. She is so happy to have mommy as her troop leader.

How do I go along and not always wonder what is being said behind my back, and will there be repricussions on my kid. I dont know, Maybe the weather has me depressed. I am feeling very inadequate right now :( I just want to be the best mom and give my daughter the experiences she should have.
I am trying to be a good christian in all of this. Maybe I am worrying to much,

Maybe I just need another cup of coffee........ blessings, see you soon.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock....

So here I sit on Thursday morning drinking a cup of coffee and trying to gather my thoughts and plans to get things ready. I am trying to forsee the amount of stress that is about to be dropped on me. Balance, Time manage, all key words in the ability to succeed at the task at hand.
I am a stresser, when it comes to certian things, (there are at least 5 of you who collectively cracked up laughing at that statement.) I can hear it, "ummmmmmm, ya think Denise, you stress, NEVER!
So I will wait.....................everyone done? LOL

Okay so I stress, alot. I thought that one way to help me theraputically in my quest was to blog...So I have decided to blog the entire experience. Then you all can stress with me. I love to write and one way to deal with the ups and downs I will be going thru is to write.

I have given the blog a makeover, and off we go. 9 months is so short of a time, and yet right now seems so far away. I dont want to say its a cross to bear, but I keep getting the illustration that Beth Moore used. "It's right there in front of you, but you dont know where the path leads or what is on it, unitl you pick up the cross in front of you."

I am excited, scared and a ball of emotions all wrapped into one. I hope that my family will understand what is going on, and why "mommy is gone so much". I guess its a small price for them to pay, because in the long run when I graduate an RN and go back to work, they will benefit in way that they never imagined.

OSAN: Arianna just got up and already she is fighting with Dante.. Pausing to take deep cleansing breaths..... :)

So off I go, into the darkness, come along for the ride, its gonna be a bumpy one and one full of excitment, but it will be worth it in the end....(at least for me I hope)

Blessings my friends, we will talk again soon.

Somthing to think about.....

The season finally of Greys Anatomy was on last night, powerpacked,emotional, it was fantastic, one of the best I have seen in a long time..... Somthing at the end that Meredith was saying (narrating), really hit me deep.

Here is the quote

"Did you say it?, I Love you, I dont ever want to live without you. You changed my life, "Did you say it?, Make a plan, set a goal, work toward it, but every now and then look around. Drink it in, Cuz this is it, It might all be gone tomorrow."

Chew on that for a while, it will really make you think

Blessings and Love

Struggling, Just trying to maintain..asking for Gods help.

I have been struggling and struggling and struggling...the struggle never seems to end. I have been persuing this weight loss, and have not seen the scale move like it should be moving, I am studying day and night, my patience is short, I never feel like I rest. I woke up this morning on the verge of a panic attack. I have seen subtle changes, but honestly its just not coming off quick enough. I am starting to doubt my ability to succeed at any of this.
Then there is school, a never ending battle against a mountian of information that I feel like I am drowning. No matter how much I read or study, I feel like I know nothing. and that is just as frustrating, my trainer cut my calories to 1500 per day.
I feel like i am always hungry. I just dont want to fail....
and I feel like failure is looming ahead of me, just waiting, stalking me. I know this is just one big pity party, and I have soooooooooo much to be thankful for. I am just so tired and so discouraged, I dont know what else to do....

thanks for reading, and pray for me, really hard, I need all the help I can get.
thanks, and until next time.....