Odd at first, but overcome with happiness...

There he was in a blue crisp clean uniform, with a smile on his face. A little stiff in responding to our hugs, but I understood why. Public Dispalys of Affection. He was so happy to see us, as we were happy to see him. It took a little while for it to start to sink in that here was a MAN, still a boy in some ways and in some ways not.
You could tell he was so proud of his accomplishments, so full of pride, and finally happy. He talked...alot. But we were so eager to hear all of the stories he had to tell us. He never once answered with Fine! Sure! Yeah!. I didnt sense a drop of old attitude in him, only a new BOO YA kick ass, I'm an airman now attitude.

He had grown up! and this fact would inevitably take a few more days to sink in. I think that part of me is still trying to wrap my head around it all. He was nick, but so different.

I think he spent more time with his baby sister in the 4 days we were there then he had in the whole time she has been on the planet. He said to he "Im sorry I wont be there for your birthday baby girl, but I will send you a present". I almost burst into tears when I heard this. She was so happy to be getting the attention she was getting from her big brother.

be back in a few.....

So where exactly do I begin.........

Well 6 weeks ago I watched my child, my firstborn my get onto a white bus and head off to Denver to depart for Lackland AFB, in San Antonio Texas to begin Air Force basic training. Little did I realize at the time that this was going to be the biggest test we both would have to face.
You know when they come into this world, there is nothing like their sweet angelic faces, and I think that we all make ourselves those promises to do the best we can and make as few mistakes as possible.
One of the things that I wrote in a letter to my son when he left was "I MAY NOT HAVE ALWAYS GOTTEN IT RIGHT IN THE BEGINNING, BUT I DO BELIEVE THAT I GOT IT "SPOT ON" IN THE END.

So for 6 weeks it has been an emotional rollercoaster, he had a rough time in the beginning, and I worried about him making it thru. Did he have what it took? Was he going to be okay? I knew in my heart that he would, and I leaned way into my faith in God, that he was in control of the situation and would take care of my Nick. I prayed faithfully everyday, and marked each day off on the calender. Counting down the days until our trip to San Antonio, both excited and scared to see the MAN that the Air Force was giving back to me.

God was faithful, as was I in my prayers, and oh how the power of prayer was evident to me, when the announcer at the coin ceremony said "your airmen are released to your visitors" I ran thru a sea of blue, knowing the general area my son was in, to find myself standing in front, of the child I has brought into the world 18 years ago.............

more in the next post.........

MY SON, AIRMAN NICHOLAS BAKER

MY SON GRADUATED AIR FORCE BASIC TRAINING ON AUGUST 15TH 2008.

HE IS AN OFFICIAL MEMBER OF THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE. CONGRATULATIONS NICK!!

Its Been A While!!!

It has been a while since I have posted, my surgery went very well and I am pretty much recovered at this point. Things have seemed to settle down for the moment, but knock on wood, we shall see. I have done alot of growing here lately. I turned 41 on September 29th and have decided that the time is now to change both my weight and some of my outlook.

God has certianly worked to change so many things about me and in my life, and it is a breath of fresh air. We have become more involved in the church and I believe that God has both a plan for me, and for this family. I thank him everyday for the things that he blesses me with. I take nothing, nothing at all for granted. I truly am blessed beyond anything that I have ever ever known before in my life.

I find strength in places I have never know that I had it. I am optomistic that the peace and calm that I am feeling, is a good thing right now.

Thats all for now......

RACE FOR THE CURE...........IN MEMORY OF MY MOTHER!!

Wow what a day today was, up at 5:30 and off to the Susan G Komen race for the cure. This is a day that I remember that at 55 cancer took my mother away from me and 6 granbabies. It was also a day to celebrate her life. You see being her first born I am in danger of getting breast cancer myself. This is one of the things that scares the life out of me.
I pray everyday that I will be around for a long time for my kiddos. It was a great day and i took lots of pics to remember it. As I was walking I was thinking of the Janet Jackson song. "there are times when I look above and beyond, there are time when I feel your love around me...I'll never forget" "everywhere i go, every smile i see, i know you are there, smilin back at me, dancin in moonlight, I know you are free, cuz I can see your smile shinin down on me.

Surgery at 7:30am tomorrow......so it may be a couple of days. But today was a good day, the smiles of my kids, DH and my friends that I was able to share today with............well, there are no words to express my joy.

After the race I went to church, and it was a very powerful message. It really hit home for what has been going on in my life lately. The verse was 1st Corinthinans 15:10. "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect."

until after the surgery and my hospital stay....

Much love to all

Dear God

First I would like to thank you for each and every blessing that you have given me. I take nothing for granted ever, and I pray that you give me the strength once again that I have been continually praying for from you. I pray that you continue to heal the parts of my body that you know so desperately need healing. I ask you to forgive me in those areas that you know that I need forgiveness. I am not perfect in any way, nor have I ever claimed to be. I am full of flaws, but i am working on myself every single day.
Please give me the strength to be a better mother and wife, and to guide my children in the right direction and teach them all the good things that they need to know.
Thank you for this beautiful sunny day, and thank you for listening to me.

Amen..

The Last Few Days...

Things have been holding their own, for the last 48 hours, although it seems like the surprises just never end. I have been fairly sick over the last couple of days, today was byfar much better than it has been. My mind goes a million miles an hour these days. I still continue to pray each day and ask GOD to bless this family, and guide me along this rocky path, that I apparently am on right now.

I find so much comfort and an overwhelming peace in the eyes of my kids and that of my DH. I love to hear them laugh, love to watch them play and love to listen to all that they have to say. It is what carries me through each and every hour of the day. Things will get better, I am sure of that. Some things have been lost along the way, and I have been told I am all about excuses...I am so very tired of the word bitch, "let he who casts the first stone" You see,I believe that life is not an excuse, and love and trust and understanding are supposed to be unconditional. Thats what the good book tells us.

So I will press on forward, Robert Frost once said that "ALL I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT LIFE I CAN SUM UP IN THREE WORDS: IT GOES ON............"

And so it goes, round and round, the merry go round of life.....Personally I prefer the rollercoaster.......with my hands high up in the air......

Until later