Under A Tuscan Sun

2010, What a year this has been.

2010-12-31T08:04:00.000-08:00

As 2010 comes to a close, I'm once again reminded and very thankful over the blessings and the gifts that God has given this family, Three healthy kids, a great husband, and and friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. This year there were a lot of I'm gonna, and this will happen,some resolutions that fell thru the cracks, and things that just ended in failure. I'm not afraid to admit that a lot of things that I hoped would work out, just didn't.

2010 brought us a son sent off to fight a war in Afghanistan and three months of no sleep for his momma. How proud we are that our son has excelled and is doing so well in the military. How thrilled we were, that God brought him back to us safe and sound, and now in 2011 we will gear up for him to leave us again, to go and protect us and provide that blanket of freedom we all love to cuddle under so much.

2010 brought us a restaurant fire, and the uncertianty of what would happen next, we were blessed very quickly with a vehicle to accomodate a mobile pizza manager, who was now on the move and working all sorts of hours. We were thankful that he was still employed,

2010 brought me what I like to call an "Eat,Pray,Love" moment. After seeing the movie and reading the book, I wondered, do I really need to go all the way to Bali to find me, to get in touch with the part of me that I know I have lost along the way on this journey called life. And with this new found idea in my head, we decided to change our vacation plans, and do somthing we had never done before. Take our children on a road trip, a journey to see and do some things that we had not done.
I said to my husband, your almost 46 years old, how much have you really seen? His reply, "nothing really".

So we embarked on a journey down the california coast, stopping along the way, to take in the sights, sounds, and smells. We rented a really cool mini van, and even bought one of the big maps of the United States, hung it on the bedroom wall, to stick pins into where we had been and where we will be going. We even went to Las Vegas, we ended our journey in Moab, Utah, at Arches National Park, Oh what a sight, that if you get the opportunity to see, dont pass it up. We were truly among Gods Majesty and splendor, and were reminded once again, how incredibly tiny we human beings are, on this majestic planet called earth.It was a great vacation, for all of us, both mentally and physically, time with each other and our children that could not be replaced. It really reinforced the idea of taking nothing for granted, and I continue on that journey of self discovery, with the goal of achieving the things, I let my insecurity stop me from doing.

2010 also gave me the courage to try out for womens flat track roller derby, and although I was cut, at least I had the guts to try, quite an accomplishment for me, anxiously awaiting the next tryouts.

As for me the end of 2010 brought about a few lessons in human nature, and the ability of some people to do things and say things, that I myself would just never allow to happen. Humans fascinate me in this respect, I learned some important lessons in the meaning of friendship, and what I thought friendship was, and what it turned out to really be. It breaks my heart, but its life, and this is how we learn, even when you do nothing wrong, people find a way to take the blame off of themselves and cast it upon you. Meh, such a sad way to live I guess. Rest assured, those are mistakes I will make sure, not to make again.

I think George Washington summed it up best with the following quote:

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."

A life lesson for all of us I guess.

So as 2010 ends as quickly as it started this evening, I know that I have been the best person that I can be. I have stood solid in my faith in Jesus Christ as my savior, and his ability to take care of things. I know that he has a plan, not only for me, but for this entire family, and I find great excitment in wondering just what that will be.

In 2011, its time to "edit" the story,(somthing our pastor said), with hopes of doing the things and fullfilling those dreams, that I hold onto each day. I am humbled and so very thankful for all my blessings, and for my friends, who I hold so dearly in my heart. You know who you are.....

I have said this before, and I will say it again, "I take nothing in this life for granted, ever!"

What will your story be in 2011?

From our family to yours, may 2011 be healthy, happy and prosperous!

"Dont mess with the family" LOL!!

until we talk again..........

Leaving your comfort Zone

2010-09-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wanted to do something, I mean really do something that you never thought you would have the guts to even try? Well yesterday I did exactly that, I left my comfort zone and did something I didn't ever think I would have the guts,much less the courage to even try.
I went to womens roller derby tryouts! Yep, you read that right, roller derby! Somthing that I have always wanted to do, but never did and now at almost 44 in two days, what was I thinking.
It was brutal, and today I hurt. But I learned something about myself, and I guess thats what people say about everything we experience in life being about. I learned that no matter how fearful I am, how much I want to give up, or how much confidence in myself I lack, that all of those things can be overcome.
Yesterday I may not have been the strongest skater, I may have been experienceing the worst shin pain I have ever felt in my life, but I kept picking myself back up, and doing it again.
I realized that aside from being more physically fit, losing more weight, and really focusing in on core strength, that the "CORE STRENGTH" is not just muscular.
The true core, deep inside you, where you hide from all of the negativity we throw on ourselves daily, has the power to do it all....
Was I disappointed?, HELL YES!!! Did I cry? Of course....
But I went there and I tried, even though I didnt make it this time, (march is the next try out.)
I am a winner anyway, because I had the GUTS!!! to even walk thru the door and attempt it....
and that my friends is one hell of a good feeling!!!!!
until we talk again

Under A Tuscan Sun Designs

2010-09-04T17:09:00.000-07:00

I recently fell in love with hand stamped jewelry. So much that I decided I was going to start my own little buisness. I love to create these custom one of a kind pieces.
So here are the links to both my etsy and my facebook page.

FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Under-A-Tuscan-Sun-Designs/144508922252891

ETSY:http://www.etsy.com/shop/UnderATuscanSun

Please feel free to check out both locations, LIKE me on facebook, and then come back here and leave me a comment here on the blog about something you liked in the shop, what you might like to have customized.

When I reach 200 fans, I will draw random for a free necklace from the comments left on the blog!!

Hey free is good right?

The sweet sounds and smells of the Summer of 2010

2010-08-17T16:05:00.000-07:00

So as I sit here, part of me is sad that the summer is coming to a close. Those lazy days, and late nights are all drifting away as the clock ticks down and the sun begins to set. How I will miss sleeping in and spending my days by the pool, watching my kids laugh and play.
We really did a lot this year, our vacation most certianly was the highlight of the summer.

It was also a summer of worry as Air Force Puppy was in the sand box, for 3 months.
As the summer comes to an end, so does his tour, we are thankful to be getting him home safe and sound.

As school begins again, its time to be more focused, more organized, and not so lazy as we have all become way to accustomed to lately. But oh the memories we have not only in pictures but in the little things, to carry us thru till next summer.
Memories of the beach, and sea world, and a really cool mini van that took us on our 10 day journey.

Memories of lunches and chinese food, and lots of ice cream at rizutos. While part of me is sad, I am happy that it is coming to a close.

Most of all, the laughter, the joy, and sometimes the tears made this summer a memorable one, movies and popcorn and the park and a ton of things that we did TOGETHER!!!!!

I look back at the last bastion of the summer of 2010 approaches and I am at peace, content, and thankful that Jesus has blessed this family in more ways than I can count.

I guess you could call me one of the lucky ones!!!!

till we talk again......

Once again..I find myself in that old familiar place.

2010-08-10T21:50:00.000-07:00

Once again I find myself, cornered by my old friends, self doubt, fear, and their good buddy insecurity. The three musketeers have drawn their swords upon me again...I fear that this may be a deadly combination, and may permanently scar me for life. Or perhaps kill my soul!!!
I have set my self to a particular challenge, one that will remain nameless for now, and tonight some things that need to be reworked became painfully evident to me.
So my three buddies, whispered in my ear the rest of the evening, throwing every no good reason to just give up the desire to accomplish what it is I have set myself too.
All I can think is how incredibly weak I am, but part of me will not let go of the desire to succeed and not to fail.
Failure, oh my sweet love, we have danced quite often in the last year, and we are most definately no longer strange bedfellows...
It is you I fear the most, and yet writing this blog, lifts some of weight of the attack of the three musketeers.
My heart tell me to stay strong, stay focused, and press forward, been here before, just for a different reason.
I am hoping that when I close my eyes tonight for what will hopefully be a peaceful sleep, a freedom, that surely will not end up that way...
that my 3 friends will be gone in the morning, and I will awake with a new plan of attack to achieve my current desire...
who knows what the sunrise will bring???????

Anaheim, or did I really think two amusement parks back to back was a good idea?

2010-08-02T20:46:00.001-07:00

Next stop, Mickey's House, decided on the trip after a few suggestions to do Knotts Berry Farm!! what a thrill to spend what ended up being an extremely stress free day. Highlight of the day, Arianna rode her first rollercoaster. The sidewinder, the highlight of mine? Listening to her scream in shear terror the whole time. I couldn't stop laughing.
The pitch was so high she probably could have broken glass. I am so not kidding. The result? She rode it 5 more times, (no lines) LOL.
Dante did some brave things too, but we sure did have fun. We paused for the cause to have a little dinner at PINKS the world famous hotdog place. YUMMY!!!!
It was a day filled with fun, drama, laughter and tons of junkfood. The memories were priceless, Dante rode the log flume for the first time, and the final drop hill, well let me just say they take a picture and the look on his face, priceless. Bought that picture up in a heartbeat, By the time we got back to the car, it was dark, and everyone was bushed. Visions of mickeys house and cotton candy lingered on the kids as they drifted off into a welcomed sleep.
Talk about bushed! NOT THEM, ME!!!!
we tucked them into their bed at the hotel, and poured ourselves into ours, dreading that early morning alarm....
until tomorrow!!!

Cruising down the California Coast!

2010-07-29T17:39:00.000-07:00

Our Journey continues to trek us towards Santa Barbara and we find a quaint little in 2 miles away from a Danish town named Solvang. Andersons Pea Soup Inn was a quaint little inn, with a great pool and yummy danish in the morning. Which we discovered came from the bakery in the town. After a nights rest, and a dip in the pool and hot tub, we make our way to Slovang. A danish town, famous for its pancake balls, and pasteries. We park and walk thru the town, stopping to admire the little shops, some of which there were rude shop keepers. Really its true....
After a couple of hours and a few pancake balls and russian tea cookies we are headed for Santa Barbara.
A beautiful beach town, and a gorgeous pier to walk out on. We park and trek our way up the beach to the pier for a look around. We decide to take a water taxi, named Little Toot, which of course brought a ton of giggles from the kids. An inexpensive ride to the other side of the harbor.
The best part was the kids got to drive the boat! See pics below. Then we took the 25 cent electric trolly car back to where we started. Got in the car and enjoyed more of the coast on our way to Anaheim.........

I left my heart in San Fran, or was it my kids?

2010-07-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

It was late in the evening as we approached the San Francisco Bay Bridge, oh the lights of the city. It reminded me of NYC and Time Square. I felt like a little kid as I watched the twinkle of the city lights and huge tall buildings. The next day we ventured to Pier 39, for a fun filled day of lobster hats, bubba gumps, salt water taffy, sea lions, and "The rock".
The kids had a good time and Jim and I enjoyed their smiles, and wonderfully innocent faces as they marveled at what they were seeing, tasting and enjoying. We went to lombard street, golden gate park, and of course the golden gate bridge. We left San Fran and and headed for a drive thru wine country.
Then it was on the road to our next destination. Truly a memory filled day.

Day 2, or what the heck is up with Rest Stop Signs?

2010-07-19T06:58:00.000-07:00

Day 2, and I just had to take a picture of the sign! We stopped at this rest stop where an Indian family was selling hand made jewelry, they were making them right there. My dear husband bought me an anklet! I am quite refreshed and ready to hit the road. The Starbucks VIA is hot, and tastes great. This instant coffee rocks BTW! The music is playing, the tunes are cranked and we are headed West.

One funny thing that happened is at breakfast yesterday, I said to Arianna, "I told you to leave the drama in Colorado." She replied, "I did, this is Utah drama." Well what more can you say to that.!!!!

Aside from the horrible scenery, Nevada really doesn't have any other redeeming qualities other than casinos every where you turn, It was a nice ride. The closer we got to the west coast, the more excited I became. We stopped in Reno and Jim jumped out and ran into one of the casinos to "gamble" while the kids and I circled the block in the van 8 times... LOL!!!

Now at least he can say he "gambled in Reno". Too funny!! The kids were impatient and can you blame them!!!!!
We discovered we had a satelite radio in the car, pretty much commercial free radio. So Jim and I took a tour of the 70's 80's and 90's. It was a walk down memory lane, from rapping along with coolio in gangstas paradise, to "rump shaker", and even all the way back to "mellow yellow".

I asked Jim, if he could go back and change just one thing, what would it be? he said he wouldn't have listened to his parents and went ahead and pursued his degree in musical engineering. They told him, there was no future in it.
He followed it up with, "that's why I am going to tell my kids they can do and be anything they want to be.".....

HOW BOUT THAT!!!!!

Maybe this isn't just a journey for me........

Blessings, until we talk again.

Holiday Road

2010-07-19T06:30:00.001-07:00

So we have commenced on the Fiducia Family vacation! After driving the first day until 3am, we stopped in Salt Lake City Utah, got up had breakfast and headed out again. The car trip was filled with music, laughter, a lot of "both of you stop it right now," I am always amazed at kids who can sleep sitting up in car seats. You must lose that ability as you get older.
As I drove, music from the past played on the radio, a barrage of 80's hits, taking me back to my youth, and once again stirring up inside me, those questions that I have been asking myself over the last month.
As "stuck on you" by Lionel Richie played, I was taken all the way back to 19 and my first "real" true love, with short dark hair,and dark eyes. I will call him "Tony",because if he ever reads this he will know who he is. Tony was my first love, true love,although at 19 I knew nothing. This would ring so very true for me just a few short years later. So back to tony, I guess he likes Lionel Richie, because the other song from him to me was "say you,say me." Those were the days, or were they?
So lets just call this trip what it is, A journey. Maybe not to Italy, or Bali, but none the less a journey.
I marvel once again in that pure love, the love I see not only in the eyes of my husband, but in my children's as well.
The only thing missing is nick, all grown up and seeing the world, well at least one part of it right now. I say a short prayer for his safety, as well as that of my family and our van as we are "rockin down the highway."
I pause to thank God once again, for his abundant blessings,and for saving me.
For without him, NONE of this would be possible.......
What will tomorrow bring on day 2?
Until then.................

A day at the park, with a small ounce of reflection

2010-07-07T20:25:00.000-07:00

I know that its bee a few days since I blogged and this blog is probably going to be a littlw longer than originally anticipated. The last couple of days have been somber ones, been feeling some of that old self doubt and anxiety creeping in here or there. I realize that I need to get super serious about my weight. Mostly because I am feeling uncomfortable in my skin again and thats always a bad sign. We won the video contest at church and what fun it was to win a new flip video camera/ultra hd. this little thing take some unbelievable video.
So back to that small ounce of reflection, I have had a few conversations with my oldest child, affectionately known as Air Force Puppy. I came to the realization that even though he is 20, that I am doing and saying and giving advice, perhaps functioning in the role that I did when he was 15 thru the age of 17. Only now is he listening and maybe even taking the advice, That he never allowed in, much less listened to back then.
Its nice to finally see that as a mom, you may actually know what you are talking about and he can benifit from my years of experience and wisdom. (that sounded good didnt it, LOL). Pausing to take pics of the kids, and enjoy the absolute pure joy in their faces and smiles. What could be better? ( dont answer that, LOL)

Okay where was I, reflection. I find that I have begun to reflect on a lot of things these days. Some good, some bad, some ugly. For the most part I have decided that reflection is good. The bad part of it is that it certianly does show me, what I was missing, what I have done wrong, and what I can do better.
How much time do we take to do this very thing?
I have spent some time looking back at the very thing that probably caused all the problems that came later in life. My mother, God rest her soul, I am sure she meant well, but I hate to say that she really did suck at alot of things.
I also discovered one of the ugly roots of my problems is insecurity, and I have said before thats a whole nuther post, or probably a chapter in my book.
The sun is warm, and the wind is blowing, in the distance I can hear those familiar words, "mom, momma, look at me." I glance over at the play scape they are playing on and hold my breath for a second, while my youngest is hanging in way that could cause a skull fracture.

"Be careful" I say that alot these days........

I guess it might be time to wrap it up for now, I am thinking slushes at sonic for the kids, as a final treat to end our day together.
Looking forward to vacation, it wil be here before we know it... that will be a blog to follow for sure....
I will be back soon.....

Where has the Hope gone?

2010-07-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

I had another blog post that I haven't finished yet, but felt compelled to write this one. Yesterday a woman jumped from a bridge over I-25 and was hit by a bus and died. Now not to be a downer, but it really got me thinking. Where did her hope go? what is happening in the world today? and more importantly how do I protect my children from ever feeling like ending their life is the only way to end the pain.
My heart just ached over this, because when I had no hope, my hope was renewed by Jesus. Giving my life over to Christ gave me knew hope, and as I began to grow in my faith, I realized that all things were possible thru him.
I know that there may be some of you that are thinking, "well religion may have been the answer for you, but its just not for me." well I am here to tell you that religion is the only answer. and yes that is just my opinion, but in the three years I have been a christian, my life has been a testimony to the power of prayer.
I am also not here to judge anyone, nor would I ever, I am just merely telling my story, because my story, could be your story, or anyones story for that matter.
But lets drift back over to the whole point of this particular blog. HOPE.
I wonder if this woman had no where to turn and no one to talk to, how did she get to the point she ended her life with?
Depression is a mighty powerful thing, powerful enough to cloud your judgment, make you do and say things you never thought you would ever find yourself saying. You see I have walked the path of depression, right out there to the very edge, I leaned over and peered into the abyss below.
I was lucky enough to have been strong enough to pull myself back from the edge. Some are not that lucky.
There are so many things going on in the world today, a bad economy, no money, bills upon bills, loss of jobs... not alot to be hopeful for. You see I believe that there is hope, hope for a better life, future, the love of all my kids.
I guess the whole point of this post is just to let ya know, that there is always hope, no matter how bad things get.
Think about it friends, what is it that gives you hope? Gets you up in the morning, helps you thru the day.
Many thoughts and blessings for all of you, hug your kids a little tighter, tell someone you love them today..
Life is just too short....too short
Until we talk again

Nothing beats a sunny day by the pool.

2010-06-18T15:17:00.000-07:00

As I sat by the pool this morning, and watched as my children played in the water, I had a great man sitting beside me, I was once again reminded of my blessings and just how fortunate I really am.
Part of me realized that there was one thing missing from this almost perfect day, and that would be my nick. Somewhere far away, fighting to keep this country free, so u and I can enjoy our freedoms. If he were here and safe, the day would be perfect.
And it assures me all the more, that these are the moments that are too precious to pass by.
It assures me, that life really is too short, and I want to savor every minute of it. And it makes me thank God even more, for the insight and the realization, that no matter what it is, I can do it, big or small!!! Stop, and just look around you, take inventory, what matters, what doesnt. You may be surprised at what u might find.
Till we talk again.....

Random Acts of Kindness

2010-06-13T18:47:00.000-07:00

Today I was at Wal-Mart, needed some painting items, cuz we are painting the dining room over before the new wood floor goes in next month. I was in line at the check out and a couple walked up behind me with a big bag of dog food and that was it. I turned and told them they could go in front of me, because I had a few items in my basket and I didnt want them to wait.

Well you should have seen the looks on their faces! It was a kodak moment, the husband mumbles somthing like "are u sure"? and "I will make this a painless as possible"? I smiled and replied, "No worries" go ahead. When they were done checking out they both turned to me and said "Thank you so very very much." I replied with "Sure, enjoy the rest of your sunday."

After they walked off, I thought about it, and realized that this was the same reaction I had gotten when I had done this before. Are random acts of kindness, really that random?

Is it really that difficult for someone to let other go in front of them in the grocery line?

Is it just me who does things like this or do ya'll do it occasionaly also.
What if every person did one random act of kindess a day? Wishful thinking?
Is it? Maybe...

But I'll bet the world would be a happier place or at least someones day would be a little brighter, if we all just stopped for 10 seconds and thought about it.

Have I got u thinking now?

as always, until we meet again.....

Fear Factor

2010-06-13T06:39:00.000-07:00

"Fear and anxiety can diminish one's soul while completely mutilate ones true self."

A friend made that statement on one of my other blog posts and it intrigued me. So lets talk about what keeps us from truly achieving things, or more so merely trying. Fear! Fear paralyzes us from taking that bungee jump or skydive, it may even prevent us from somthing so simple as telling someone we love them.
For me, its all about fear, and insecurity, but insecurity is another post. I do think that the two walk hand in hand.
If you sit and ponder this idea for a while, I imagine you could come up with a list of things that fear has prevented you from trying, doing or achieving. Why? Well, failure would be the driving force.
I don't like to fail, does anyone? and trust me, this year I have become an expert in that particular dicipline. Somthing I am not proud of, but not afraid to admit, and certianly not afraid to face.
So where are we so far? "I don't want to do it, because I'm afraid of failing."
Sound familiar? no need to raise your hand, LOL, more things to think about.
So what can we do about it? Well, overcoming that fear, probably a good start, easy in theory, not so easy in action.
This one, we have to take baby steps with. My faith in God always helps me, I trust that God will take care of it, but it doesnt stop me from not being afraid, well sometimes it does. Those of you who know me, know this to be 100% true.
But lately I have realized, that I dont want to be afraid anymore. I want to jump out of that airplane, even though as I write this, I am terrified of the idea.
But I am determined to grow a set, overcome my fear and do it. I am sure I will be screaming the entire way down. (Video to come later)!
I know that I have let my fear stop me in so many ways, I cant count them all. I have missed out on way to much. I plan to miss out on nothing more....

What has your fear stopped you from doing?

Until next time........

You Seek up an Emotion and your cup is overflowing.

2010-06-11T23:26:00.000-07:00

Ah sweet emotions, not the Aerosmith song, but those tiny little or sometimes great big things that throw us into a tailspin more than we would like them too. People always say, dont make a decision while your emotional. But isnt that exactly what everyone does?? LOL.

From the time we are small, we are told a variety of different things. "Don't cry, cry, don't show your emotions, your weak if you do... etc,etc, Well I say, forget all that... Scream from the rooftops, roll around on the ground and let it all hang out.
You see the worst thing we can do, is to bottle it up.

I have been told by more than one person, that I am an "emotionally packed person". Now the 5 of you that are laughing... knock it off. Me? emotional.. Never. Okay, are you done laughing. Actually, go ahead laugh, because it is funny. The interesting thing about me, is that its raw emotion. Now that being said, that can get me into trouble sometimes.

Not in the literal sense, but if I dont keep it in check, I end up doing more damage to myself than anyone else.

these days I tend to think of myself as an onion, "You gotta peel me back layer by layer." ( thank you Sandra Bullock from the blindside) So are emotions a good thing, or a bad thing....and how do we really take control and not let our emotions control us.

the answer you come up with, may actually surprise you.....

I will speak again with you soon.

Funny the Way it is...

2010-06-09T12:49:00.000-07:00

I had a converstion with my sister on the phone the other day, and I was telling her about my new thought process, my "enlightenement" so to speak. We had been talking for about 30 minutes and she said can I ask you a question? "Did a doctor tell you somthing and you just dont want to tell me?"
I laughed harder than I had laughed in a long time, and said, "No, Im not dying, but trust me, if I was, I would be planning a trip to Italy and not to the west coast."
It made me think though, it really was a good point...No I wasnt dying, what my plan is, is to start LIVING!!!
Fuller and more than I have ever done up to this point. You see the question is not WHY? but WHY NOT? I take great comfort in knowing that there is so much more out there that I havent done...and that the things that I thought defined me, really didnt at all.
That there really is some true purpose and true meaning to why I was put on this planet.
It also brings to mind a quote by an author named Leo Buscaglia. He says, "Live each day,as if it were your last, cuz you know what, one of these days, your gonna be right."
food for thought friends, food for thought...... until next time

Its a New Dawn, its a New Day, Its a New Life for me, and I'm feeling good....

2010-06-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

Okay so you win a prize if you can tell me who sings that song. It actually is quite fitting given the recent events. Part of me is breathing in a new wind of change, I recently began to wonder, just what exactly was my mark on this life going to be. What was my legacy to my children going to be? at 43 what had i done? what had I seen? to be truthful it wasnt much.
Now dont get me wrong, there have been things of course, that I have accomplished, and I am not taking those things for granted. My son Nicholas, of course, my greatest accomplishment so far. My children, my husband, my military service, but it really runs much deeper than that.
For example, listening to the guide at the zoo, about the african elephants ear being shaped like africa....
How did i get to 43 and not know this??? LOL What a true miracle of God, that when he made that elephant, found on that continent, has ears shaped like his home.
It has set a blaze a fire in me, that I have realized my bucket list... HUGE, MAJOR BIG and my life is already half over.
Now dont get me wrong, this isn't about a bucket list either. Its about ME...seeing things, and doing things and making those memories with my kids, its about things that are so much more important than the things that I thought defined who I am...
It's about self discovery, self actualization, and most of all its about not wasting another second of my life.........

until we talk again

My 3 Beautiful Children

2010-03-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

This is one of the most incredible pics of my kids ever taken. I look at this and I want to cry. The photo was taken by Marla of Marla Frederick photography!

I am back....

2010-03-19T15:36:00.000-07:00

Man O Man, where do I begin.... I have come to another crossroads in my life.. woo wheee what else is new, seems to be my new mo.... There is a ton to tell and a ton to talk about....
I will be back to tell the story soon....

The Last Bastion of Summer

2009-08-17T08:51:00.000-07:00

As I sit here on this chilly monday morning with my 2nd cup of coffee, I am reflecting on the summer and where exactly it went. It sure did go by quick, and while I am somewhat sad that it is over, I am also happy. Wednesday I start my fall semester, and the kids go back to school, and while a juggler was a profession I never wanted to try. I guess I will do anything once.
I have God to thank for his abundant blessings in all areas of my life. He has blessed this family 10x infinity, and while I sit and watch the birds hunt and eat up worms in the back yard, I am comforted.
The change in the season brings excitement and fear all packaged up and tied with a pretty bow. And the quest continues, I am thankful for many things today, you my friends being one of them....
Blessings as always and we will talk again soon.

Back to School Night

2009-08-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

Last night was the proverbial back to school night. I am very happy with my daughters teacher and my hubby met the new pre-school teacher. After all the classroom fun, I and a good friend manned the girlscout table to give parents all sorts of info, on girl scouts. There was alot of interest and that is always good.

Last year I was the troop leader, for daisy's and it was a good thing because it made my daughter very happy. At the end of the year, I was deeply hurt by two of the mothers in my troop, one in particular. Last night as I was talking to a potential mom for this years brownie troop she just walked right up and started talking to this mom.

You see I was originally going to give up my troop, then decided to keep it, and these two ladies formed another troop and I lost a few of my girls. Last night it just seemed like this big competitive thing.

I guess the point of what I just told you, is that this morning, I am feeling a little under the weather. Wondering is this person going to take this mom to her new troop, maybe say bad things about me, maybe just do everything she can to sabotage the whole thing for me this year. This person caused the original problem and I was the one scathed in the whole thing.

I just dont have the time, much less the energy to deal with this and the petty drama that will go along with it. Its really hard for me to hold back my anger at all of it. And part of me just wants to say "screw it all" regardless of how it may hurt my daughter in the long run. She is so happy to have mommy as her troop leader.

How do I go along and not always wonder what is being said behind my back, and will there be repricussions on my kid. I dont know, Maybe the weather has me depressed. I am feeling very inadequate right now :( I just want to be the best mom and give my daughter the experiences she should have.
I am trying to be a good christian in all of this. Maybe I am worrying to much,

Maybe I just need another cup of coffee........ blessings, see you soon.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock....

2009-08-13T08:36:00.000-07:00

So here I sit on Thursday morning drinking a cup of coffee and trying to gather my thoughts and plans to get things ready. I am trying to forsee the amount of stress that is about to be dropped on me. Balance, Time manage, all key words in the ability to succeed at the task at hand.
I am a stresser, when it comes to certian things, (there are at least 5 of you who collectively cracked up laughing at that statement.) I can hear it, "ummmmmmm, ya think Denise, you stress, NEVER!
So I will wait.....................everyone done? LOL

Okay so I stress, alot. I thought that one way to help me theraputically in my quest was to blog...So I have decided to blog the entire experience. Then you all can stress with me. I love to write and one way to deal with the ups and downs I will be going thru is to write.

I have given the blog a makeover, and off we go. 9 months is so short of a time, and yet right now seems so far away. I dont want to say its a cross to bear, but I keep getting the illustration that Beth Moore used. "It's right there in front of you, but you dont know where the path leads or what is on it, unitl you pick up the cross in front of you."

I am excited, scared and a ball of emotions all wrapped into one. I hope that my family will understand what is going on, and why "mommy is gone so much". I guess its a small price for them to pay, because in the long run when I graduate an RN and go back to work, they will benefit in way that they never imagined.

OSAN: Arianna just got up and already she is fighting with Dante.. Pausing to take deep cleansing breaths..... :)

So off I go, into the darkness, come along for the ride, its gonna be a bumpy one and one full of excitment, but it will be worth it in the end....(at least for me I hope)

Blessings my friends, we will talk again soon.

Somthing to think about.....

2009-05-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

The season finally of Greys Anatomy was on last night, powerpacked,emotional, it was fantastic, one of the best I have seen in a long time..... Somthing at the end that Meredith was saying (narrating), really hit me deep.

Here is the quote

"Did you say it?, I Love you, I dont ever want to live without you. You changed my life, "Did you say it?, Make a plan, set a goal, work toward it, but every now and then look around. Drink it in, Cuz this is it, It might all be gone tomorrow."

Chew on that for a while, it will really make you think

Blessings and Love

Struggling, Just trying to maintain..asking for Gods help.

2009-03-17T20:01:00.000-07:00

I have been struggling and struggling and struggling...the struggle never seems to end. I have been persuing this weight loss, and have not seen the scale move like it should be moving, I am studying day and night, my patience is short, I never feel like I rest. I woke up this morning on the verge of a panic attack. I have seen subtle changes, but honestly its just not coming off quick enough. I am starting to doubt my ability to succeed at any of this.
Then there is school, a never ending battle against a mountian of information that I feel like I am drowning. No matter how much I read or study, I feel like I know nothing. and that is just as frustrating, my trainer cut my calories to 1500 per day.
I feel like i am always hungry. I just dont want to fail....
and I feel like failure is looming ahead of me, just waiting, stalking me. I know this is just one big pity party, and I have soooooooooo much to be thankful for. I am just so tired and so discouraged, I dont know what else to do....

thanks for reading, and pray for me, really hard, I need all the help I can get.
thanks, and until next time.....

Prayers answered, and what a year 2008 has been

2008-12-31T08:23:00.000-08:00

It has been one heck of a year, and as I sit here this morning as another chapter is closed in this book of life, I am thankful, blessed beyond words and most of all grateful. God has shown me time and time again, that if I believe, and I hand it over to him he WILL take care of it. I have seen many prayers, too many to count answered.

2008 brought a high school graduation, kindergarten graduation, pre-school starting. It took a boy into the United States Military and made him the man I have seen over this last 2 weeks of christmas break. I am again humbled and thankful that God took care of my son. 2008 also brought financial difficulties that were very stressful and scary at times for this family. But once again, I trusted in God, I gave my tithes at church when I was able, and sometimes it was only a few bucks.

But God blessed this family 10 fold, I found out in 2008 just how precious, coffee and cottonelle really are. Toilet tissue should never be taken for granted, and appreciated always... you dont know how important they are until you really really need them. But God provided us with the blessings of milk, tp, coffee and food when the cupboards were low.

I cant say enough thank you's for the love that my beautiful church family gave me this entire year...again I am blessed beyond words.

2008 brought new friends and old friends back into our lives. Some came and some went, some choose to stay, and some never really made it back completely. Those friends far and near, blessed this family in ways i could never have imagined. YOU know who YOU are, and you know what you mean to this family. Thanking you for all that you did for us in our time of need, just isnt enough. The "grocery fairy's" are so loved in ways they dont even know.

A special thanks and blessing to my group of "mommas", whose love and support never would have gotten me thru 2008. You all have a special place in my heart and I love you all.

2008 went by so quickly and I am eager to see what 2009 and what God has in store for this family. My children are thriving and blossoming and God is blessing them in ways I could never have imagined also.

There is great power in prayer, hand it all over to God and believe that he will take care of it, and he will. The final big event of 2008 had to be my fathers quadruple bypass. A scary surgery, but God took care of it, and my daddy is doing well.

Nick leaves in 2 days to go back to Lackland, to continue this wonderful journey and to make it even sweeter he is doing it in a brand new car!!! While I am sad to see him go, the last two weeks have been stressful and wonderful and all good. He leaves me with a peace, and the confidence of knowing that he is going to be okay....

And finally 2008 saw my Miami Dolphins win the division championship, what a joy that was...

So looking forward to 2009.....as I write this, I cant seem to get a song we sing in church out of my mind... the chorus goes like this.....

"Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come! With all creation, I sing, Praise to the King of Kings, you are my eveything, and I will adore you.."

till we talk again, blessings to you and yours for this new year!

5 Year Anniversary

2008-12-10T08:50:00.000-08:00

Today is the 5 year anniversary of my mothers death. She died at 55 of breast cancer. This date was the worst day of my life. And yet she's still there, diapproving, telling me I'm not good enough, or a lousy mother, or I should have never had kids. I miss my mother so much, and yet if she were still here, she would still, be torturing her children. Blaming us for all the shortcomings in her life, just like she did on this day 5 years ago.
I guess it does no good to dwell in the negativity of the situation, I mean she died and that was it. Leaving a total of 7 grandchildren. My nick was her first grandbaby. He had a special connection with her. I guess he always will. I hope that she is his guardian angel, and she protects him and watches over him as he continues on this path he is on. I do know that she would have been very proud of him.
I know that someday we will see each other again, but for now, there are times when I wish I could pick up the phone and hear her voice. I would give anything for one more argument.

She was only 17 in the pics and I was a baby.....

thats all for now.......

What are you THANKFUL for....

2008-11-22T14:50:00.000-08:00

As thanksgiving approaches us this upcoming week, I find myself looking back over the course of the last year. What do I have to be thankful for? Well the answer to that question is an obvious one. ALOT! The last couple of weeks have been rough on me, I find myself reflecting on alot of things that I am still not happy with in regards to me. But if I stop for just a moment, I realize that not only am I lucky, but I am blessed too.
People are so funny sometimes, no matter how much you think they have changed, they manage to prove to you in one way or another, just how they really haven't. I have a true servant heart, and you will never find a more devoted and loyal friend, yet those qualities always seem to get me hurt, or get taken advantage of.
I look back over the last 12 months and I am so thankful that God has blessed this family with health, I look at the blessing of my Nick, and him being able to start his life. No one could have told me then, that things would have worked out the way that they did, and turned out soooooooooo good.
I am thankful that I have a man who loves me, no matter how I look and no matter what the circumstance. And even though we have been struggling with finances, I am thankful that God has provided a way, always......
Jesus has blessed this family, beyond words, beyond explanation, and sometimes beyond reason.
I have stood firmly on Christ the solid rock, I have kept the faith, and I have wethered the storm.
Wet,cold, beaten down, or just plain tired of it all, I am still standing.....
And that this Thanksgiving is what I am most thankful for.......

Until next time.....

To Nick and all service members and their families.

2008-11-11T09:21:00.000-08:00

Today is veterans day and I just wanted to say "THANK YOU". To those who have fought and left us only with their memories of service, and to those who are currently fighting each day to keep us free, and to their families, Thank you!

And to all those young men and women who freely volunteered to serve this country with pride, I thank you.

I am proud to have also served this country so many years ago, but I am even prouder to be the mother of someone currently serving.

May God Bless all of you, and keep you and your families safe.

Happy Birthday Dante

2008-11-06T14:58:00.000-08:00

Dearest Dante,
Its hard to believe that you are 3 already, it seems like only yesterday you were so tiny, (well not that tiny). Sweet, and Innocent, and now you are rolling your eyes at me, telling me NO, and most of the time you are the poster boy for "domestic terrorism" in this house.

"ah the memories", Thanks for making me so proud, for getting into anything and everything, and for showing me you could cause me more grey hair than your Big Brother Nicholas...........

Love your exhausted mother

The last couple of days

2008-10-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

The last couple of days have just sucked!! Royally, I have been trying to put my finger on what has been wrong and pin it down. I really shouldn't complain because aside from the crap about myself that I do battle with, my weight, my need and desire to do something I have always wanted to do. Our financial worries, My constant battle with trying to do it all and really never stopping.
I really do have so so much to be thankful for, because God has certianly provided the way for us.
I know that there are people out there who have faced extraordinary odds and beaten them, and people who are facing tragedy and illness and so many other things. Where do I get off, whining about my crap?
My kids are healthy, my son is in the military, happy and doing well. I have a good husband, who loves me, (apparently regardless of how big my ass is) :) More money would make things a little easier. But do I really have a reason to complain? NO!
So I need to go back to finding the simple joy, that I have missed in all the little things in my life.
I guess the rest will just fall into place......

thanks for reading.... until next time.

Simply Pure Heaven

2008-10-27T07:22:00.000-07:00

You know its so funny sometimes, you think that when they turn 18, they go off and join the military, tackling manhood with all the energy of the 3 year old that you take care of daily. You think that your job may be done, in some small way. But the truth is, your job really is never done. My phone rang at 4:45 am this morning, and it was my son. He was putting on his Class A's and getting ready for flag detail. I was half awake, but he took the time to pick up the phone, because he just wanted to chat with me.
There is no way to describe what that feels like. Yesterday he surprised me on the computer, with a web cam chat that he paid for, we couldnt hear each other, but what pure bliss it was to see him smile and see him laugh, when I typed somthing silly or stupid.
This child, that 2 years ago, I thought I had lost all contact with, that we would never have any type of relationship ever, has suddenly been reborn. God gave me back my son, and I so cherish each and every day that passes. We are going to see him at christmas and our plan is to throw a big christmas open house for everyone to come and see him.
We are first and foremost moms, no matter how much we think the apron strings need to be cut, even when we cut them, they are attached to us in so many other ways.
I am so proud to be his mother, he even asked if I could come to his tech school graduation. I am going to start now to raise the money to take the trip, I am hoping it will be possible.

anyway..thats all for now.

The middle of October already!!!

2008-10-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

Here it is, the middle of october and Nick is into his 3rd month of being in the military. Where has the time gone. He sent me the pic you see, of him and his CQ group pulling duty at 1am. I have been told how happy he looks. And he does!

I do miss him alot, but I am always happy to hear about the new and exciting things that are going on with him. My hubby and I were watching a special on HBO a couple of nights ago, about Section 60 at Arlington National Cemetary. You see all soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanastain are eligible for burial there. Not to bring this blog down, but we both looked at each other and said, that if somthing happened to Nick, it would be hard to have him so far away from us.
It was a somber moment, and I guess we have never thought of it that way. My heart just went out to the moms they were showing on the show. I hope that we are never in that position.

Anyway, the time is just going by so fast, and we are now looking forward to christmas, when he comes home to visit. Hopefully those plans wont change. The two little ones are doing most excellent, and we are getting ready for halloween.

thats all for now, I needed to update, or Susan was going to give me 50 lashings... :)

until next time

Time to say goodbye

2008-09-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

So here we are on the last day, time to say goodbye. It was a quiet day, we had to stay on base, and we had lunch together. Walked about the BX, and just spent time together. I can look back now and say that it was an amazing reunification of this family. He had spent more time with us and his brother and sister than he had ever in the last couple of years. I got my son back, and now I longed for more and more of that. But at least it was a glimpse to what the future would bring.

The end of the day came so quickly, and it was time for all of us to say goodby. I gave him one of my dogtags to wear with his. Arianna cried, and we all cried except for Nick. It was a glorious 4 days, to see him grown up in so many ways, a man now. My job finished. I know that I have done a good job, that was pretty evident. We hugged what seemed like a million times, and we needed to get on the road for home.

I watched as my son took all of the things that I had brought from home for him, turned and walked off. Off he went to start a new life and a new adventure in life, my heart could not contain itself as I remembered that day in March, 1990. When he came into this world, and they put him into my arms. And now 18 years later, the man he has become, but my baby boy he will always be.....

until next time.........

4 days of bliss

2008-09-05T07:20:00.000-07:00

Catching up where we left off, it was really hard to wrap my head around the change in my son. He was so different yet, still the same in alot of ways, he smiled the whole time we were there. He was quiet, but in a good way, not in the way before where I would have worried. It was so good to be with him, but it did feel akward too.
We had to stay on base the first day, so we went to the store, and sat in the car, and drove around alot. We were just happy to be together, Graduation was on friday, and the morning was overcast and cool. At least it was cool for an hour, then the humidity kicked in full force and we were sweating our butts off.
The ceremony was full of pride, and it was amazing. Jim and I were very very proud parents. My son passed by in the flight carrying all the colors, american and 50 state flags. My favorite part, was when they all walked forward and stood and repeated their oath of enlistment. It brought tears to my eyes.
The rest of the weekend was spent off base on Friday and Saturday. We went to seaworld, and then downtown for dinner. He bought us dinner, which was a big change. (He never bought us a meal, ever..)
On sunday when we picked him up on base at the BX, he came out with gifts for Jim and I. He bought 2 movie posters for his dad, and Jim burst into tears in the truck. This was the first time he had ever bought Jim anything. He bought me my favorite computer game Diner Dash. Then later in the day he purchased dog tags that said Proud Air Force Mom/Dad... One for each of us.
that brought everybody to tears also.
Then on sunday night it was time to go.....

Odd at first, but overcome with happiness...

2008-08-22T15:42:00.000-07:00

There he was in a blue crisp clean uniform, with a smile on his face. A little stiff in responding to our hugs, but I understood why. Public Dispalys of Affection. He was so happy to see us, as we were happy to see him. It took a little while for it to start to sink in that here was a MAN, still a boy in some ways and in some ways not.
You could tell he was so proud of his accomplishments, so full of pride, and finally happy. He talked...alot. But we were so eager to hear all of the stories he had to tell us. He never once answered with Fine! Sure! Yeah!. I didnt sense a drop of old attitude in him, only a new BOO YA kick ass, I'm an airman now attitude.

He had grown up! and this fact would inevitably take a few more days to sink in. I think that part of me is still trying to wrap my head around it all. He was nick, but so different.

I think he spent more time with his baby sister in the 4 days we were there then he had in the whole time she has been on the planet. He said to he "Im sorry I wont be there for your birthday baby girl, but I will send you a present". I almost burst into tears when I heard this. She was so happy to be getting the attention she was getting from her big brother.

be back in a few.....

So where exactly do I begin.........

2008-08-21T13:52:00.000-07:00

Well 6 weeks ago I watched my child, my firstborn my get onto a white bus and head off to Denver to depart for Lackland AFB, in San Antonio Texas to begin Air Force basic training. Little did I realize at the time that this was going to be the biggest test we both would have to face.
You know when they come into this world, there is nothing like their sweet angelic faces, and I think that we all make ourselves those promises to do the best we can and make as few mistakes as possible.
One of the things that I wrote in a letter to my son when he left was "I MAY NOT HAVE ALWAYS GOTTEN IT RIGHT IN THE BEGINNING, BUT I DO BELIEVE THAT I GOT IT "SPOT ON" IN THE END.

So for 6 weeks it has been an emotional rollercoaster, he had a rough time in the beginning, and I worried about him making it thru. Did he have what it took? Was he going to be okay? I knew in my heart that he would, and I leaned way into my faith in God, that he was in control of the situation and would take care of my Nick. I prayed faithfully everyday, and marked each day off on the calender. Counting down the days until our trip to San Antonio, both excited and scared to see the MAN that the Air Force was giving back to me.

God was faithful, as was I in my prayers, and oh how the power of prayer was evident to me, when the announcer at the coin ceremony said "your airmen are released to your visitors" I ran thru a sea of blue, knowing the general area my son was in, to find myself standing in front, of the child I has brought into the world 18 years ago.............

more in the next post.........

MY SON, AIRMAN NICHOLAS BAKER

2008-08-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

MY SON GRADUATED AIR FORCE BASIC TRAINING ON AUGUST 15TH 2008.

HE IS AN OFFICIAL MEMBER OF THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE. CONGRATULATIONS NICK!!

Its Been A While!!!

2007-09-30T13:45:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have posted, my surgery went very well and I am pretty much recovered at this point. Things have seemed to settle down for the moment, but knock on wood, we shall see. I have done alot of growing here lately. I turned 41 on September 29th and have decided that the time is now to change both my weight and some of my outlook.

God has certianly worked to change so many things about me and in my life, and it is a breath of fresh air. We have become more involved in the church and I believe that God has both a plan for me, and for this family. I thank him everyday for the things that he blesses me with. I take nothing, nothing at all for granted. I truly am blessed beyond anything that I have ever ever known before in my life.

I find strength in places I have never know that I had it. I am optomistic that the peace and calm that I am feeling, is a good thing right now.

Thats all for now......

RACE FOR THE CURE...........IN MEMORY OF MY MOTHER!!

2007-09-09T16:53:00.000-07:00

Wow what a day today was, up at 5:30 and off to the Susan G Komen race for the cure. This is a day that I remember that at 55 cancer took my mother away from me and 6 granbabies. It was also a day to celebrate her life. You see being her first born I am in danger of getting breast cancer myself. This is one of the things that scares the life out of me.
I pray everyday that I will be around for a long time for my kiddos. It was a great day and i took lots of pics to remember it. As I was walking I was thinking of the Janet Jackson song. "there are times when I look above and beyond, there are time when I feel your love around me...I'll never forget" "everywhere i go, every smile i see, i know you are there, smilin back at me, dancin in moonlight, I know you are free, cuz I can see your smile shinin down on me.

Surgery at 7:30am tomorrow......so it may be a couple of days. But today was a good day, the smiles of my kids, DH and my friends that I was able to share today with............well, there are no words to express my joy.

After the race I went to church, and it was a very powerful message. It really hit home for what has been going on in my life lately. The verse was 1st Corinthinans 15:10. "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect."

until after the surgery and my hospital stay....

Much love to all

Dear God

2007-09-02T08:50:00.000-07:00

First I would like to thank you for each and every blessing that you have given me. I take nothing for granted ever, and I pray that you give me the strength once again that I have been continually praying for from you. I pray that you continue to heal the parts of my body that you know so desperately need healing. I ask you to forgive me in those areas that you know that I need forgiveness. I am not perfect in any way, nor have I ever claimed to be. I am full of flaws, but i am working on myself every single day.
Please give me the strength to be a better mother and wife, and to guide my children in the right direction and teach them all the good things that they need to know.
Thank you for this beautiful sunny day, and thank you for listening to me.

Amen..

The Last Few Days...

2007-08-31T16:22:00.000-07:00

Things have been holding their own, for the last 48 hours, although it seems like the surprises just never end. I have been fairly sick over the last couple of days, today was byfar much better than it has been. My mind goes a million miles an hour these days. I still continue to pray each day and ask GOD to bless this family, and guide me along this rocky path, that I apparently am on right now.

I find so much comfort and an overwhelming peace in the eyes of my kids and that of my DH. I love to hear them laugh, love to watch them play and love to listen to all that they have to say. It is what carries me through each and every hour of the day. Things will get better, I am sure of that. Some things have been lost along the way, and I have been told I am all about excuses...I am so very tired of the word bitch, "let he who casts the first stone" You see,I believe that life is not an excuse, and love and trust and understanding are supposed to be unconditional. Thats what the good book tells us.

So I will press on forward, Robert Frost once said that "ALL I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT LIFE I CAN SUM UP IN THREE WORDS: IT GOES ON............"

And so it goes, round and round, the merry go round of life.....Personally I prefer the rollercoaster.......with my hands high up in the air......

Until later

5 years ago today!!

2007-08-29T05:45:00.000-07:00

5 years ago today, my beautiful baby girl Arianna Francesca Fiducia was born. As I sit here and write this, I am overwhelmed with emotion. Bawling like a big goofball, almost on the verge of a panic attack. It seemed like it was yesterday when she changed my life forever.

This morning she was awake and asked for bfast. I came down to get her cereal, and when I opened her room door she was sitting on the floor and I greeted her with a little chocolate birthday cake with a number 5 candle on top and sang happy birthday to her. She was playing with a toy, and stopped me in the middle of the song, put away her toy and said "Go ahead, you can finish now" It was so cute.

I hugged her and told her how wonderful she has made my life, and how happy I was that I had her......

It was a special moment, and those seem to be what I live for these days.........

The Last 8 Months

2007-08-27T12:11:00.000-07:00

It has taken some time to realize that the last 8 months have truly been a test of my strength as a woman and a mother. It has been one trial and tribulation after another and another. And I have successfully wethered the storm thus far. Having been fully focused on my family and my children. I wasn't always able to do things, because of scheduling, sitters so on an so forth. But I have always been the kind of person who tends to retreat when things get bad. I have a few very wonderful and dear dear close friends, whom I love with all my heart, but I have never really been the kind of person who dumps my crapola pile onto others. So there were times when I couldnt call, or come over, or have lunch or drinks......Life just got in the way.
I am having some issues with my health right now....and I spend my days engulfed in the smiles and laughter of my children. Even my nicky has come around. I will continue to press onward in my journey down this road of life. I will not feel guilty for how I have handled the last 8 months of my life, Most of my friends and family have been very understanding.
I have been praying daily for strength from GOD, for guidance. I want to live each day, and savor every moment that I have. I know that I am not perfect, not in any way at all. I know that I am full of flaws, I will not judge others, because I do not want to be judged.
I strive everyday to make a better life for my family and kids. I work on bettering myself, and I do not take my life for granted in anyway. I am grateful for everything that GOD has blessed me with...

well thats enough for now.............

Random thoughts

2007-08-24T05:29:00.000-07:00

My heart is just so filled and so full of joy when I realize that I am so very very lucky to have the things that God has blessed me with. My family, healthy children, a few good friends. I prayed this morning for strength, and thanked God for his many blessings. I do not take my life for granted or the things that I have for granted either.

I have been a bucket of mush and riding the intense roller coaster of emotion, that has been my life for the last 8 months. fortunately I have managed to grab the proverbial bull by the horns and hang on!! maybe now some of the dust is starting to settle. I am hoping that things will quiet down, maybe just a little.

I am in full focus on the road that lay ahead. My children bring me more joy each and every day. Blessings from heaven is what they are.

Someone once said, "Live and Love each and everyday as if it were your last" "Because one of these days, your gonna be right"

Happy Horrible Sunday!!

2007-08-19T12:53:00.000-07:00

Ugghhhh, today I woke up feeling just horrible...aunt flo has arrived, and I am apparently very hormonal from that. I am just feeling all depressed and weepy. So we all got up and got ready and went to church. We attend Austin Bluffs Community Church. The service is always very lively and the band was just rockin while we sang and worshiped. It was great!!! This church has really been a fortress in helping me to cope with what has been going on in my life lately, well for the last 8 months.
I left feeling much better, Arianna attends childrens church while we are in service. This church family is such a comfort and such a comfortable atmosphere for us.

After church we went to lunch and had a wonderful family meal together. Now Dante is napping and Jim is getting ready to go to work. I still feel yucky, but better than I did when I woke up.

and Arianna blew her first bubble with bubble gum today...she was so proud of herself.

till next time....

Arianna's First Day Of School. August 16th, 2007

2007-08-18T18:00:00.001-07:00

What an absolutely amazing day this was...........I was so full of emotion and I tried to be so strong for her. My little girl, who really isnt a baby anymore. It is so amazing to look at both of my younger children and think, WOW...what an amazing little life force the both of them are.
She had a great day, and at the end of the day she came out the door in smiles, and gave kisses and couldnt wait to go back the next day. It was truly amazing.

Where to begin...............

2007-08-18T17:25:00.000-07:00

Hey there, It's me Denise......

I guess this is the best place to start, I am 40 and have a nursing degree. I am an LPN and have a wonderful hubby, and 3 teriffic kids. Nicholas my oldest is a senior in high school and will be graduating this year. Arianna will be 5 and just started Kindergarten. and Dante my last and final child will be 2 in November.

So I thought I would try this out for a while, alot of the ladies on the message board I belong to have blogs, so lets give it a whirl and see what happens!!